I'm a guy who doesn't pretend to know all there is to know about woman...unlike most guys who think they know everything on the subject...I am the guy who knows nothing....not that I don't have the experience or wisdom to know something....but the more I try to understand the less I comprehend.
Celebrated movie producer Robert Evans once said, "Show me a guy who claims to understand woman and I'll show you a guy who knows nothing." Eloquently stated, we have no idea what woman want or how they think or why they say and do the things they do. And also...guys are full of shit.
A friend aptly referred to me as a "tortured soul"...for all the various circumstances and stories that have evolved over the years with me and the opposite sex. Call it a curse. Be it bad luck. Just don't say no skills. I've got good enough game to open and engage...but closing...it's not that I can't...or don't...just many times something happens...often inexplicably to change the course in an adverse direction. To use a basketball metaphor...I have no problems taking it to the rack..I just can't finish...at least not as often as I would like....well...actually that's no different than any other guy...we'd all "like" to score more....so I guess I should say I don't finish as often as I SHOULD. It's mystifying, frustrating and curious.
Personality wise, a friend sums me up as an "enigma wrapped in a riddle." In short....I'm complicated. I'm definitly a forward kind of guy...not shy...or bashful....quick witted, smart...funny...about average looking...sure better looking would help....but who wouldn't it help?....what else?....I'm aggressively confident as opposed to passively lacking in confidence....Passionate....loyal.....caring...I care too much....everything matters....even the little things....especially the little things....which I think is a double edged sword. People say "don't sweat the small stuff" because it'll drive you nuts, but sometimes it's the smallest things that bring the greatest pleasures. While I'm difficult to please...I find it easy to be happy....again...the simplest of things can put the biggest smile on my face....like just a friendly smile from a stranger on the elevator.
It's not easy describing yourself....the next time things get going with a woman....before the downhill slide....or insert basketball reference...I miss the dunk...actually I'm too short to dunk...so...blow the lay-up.....that's before they really get to know me...I'm going to ask them to describe me.....that should make for a particularly interesting future post.
And as you can tell by now, I'm also brutally honest...I don't hide from the truth....which I guess is the essence of this blog....a girl friend (not to be confused with "girlfriend") of mine inspired the title, "If I only knew.."...she kept saying it to me one night in a highly intoxicated state while she rattled off story after story....as in...if I only knew what really happened and what she really thought....it kinda' stuck with me....it's not bad....I'd like to thank her for it but unfortunately we're no longer in touch....she's engaged and that's what usually happens to those people...you people I mean...that's also for ablog to be named later......if she ever ends up reading this I think she'll be pleasantly surprised....and somewhat flattered....but so much for her...while I'm left continually searching for answers...the one thing you can always count on is my blatant candor...straight from the heart...I wear it on my sleeve. I'm a Libra.
If I only knew......
Monday, June 30, 2008
Take Care
There are many ways to close a letter, email or text....but "take care" has got to be one of the lamest and themost disheartening. I can never envision a scenario in which I'd use it unless of course I was trying to just completely blow the person off....as in....take care...I hope nothing bad happens to you in the future but I also hope never to see you again. Because it has "care" in it I guess people assume they're being nice...but in reality "take care" is more polite than nice. And as if you couldn't guess, the reason I bring this up is because I just got a "take care" text from a girl I'd been trying to get with. It's the second take care I've ever received. The first was also from a chick.
In brief, here's the recap. She's a waitress. I asked for her number. She gave it to me. We talked. We flirted. We had a drink. This went off and on for several months during which she was still in the middle of a 7.5 year on and off relationship...apparently still on. I had no interest in pursuing her while he was still in the picture. She wanted to be friends. Within the last week she tells me she's now broken up..it's been 3.5 weeks and says she'll call me.
Timing has never been my good fortune. In college a girl I wanted to date had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and was not ready...she asked me to wait....by the time she came to me wanting to be together...I couldn't do it. I didn't want to be that guy that said "How high?" when she said, "Jump." Although I believed at the time it was the right move...not a day goes by today without me thinking it was just stupid on my part....well maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration....not the stupid part...it was stupid as hell...but the everyday thing....more like popping in and out of my mind from time to time....especially when I hear the song, "Alison Road" by the Gin Blossoms..thanks for the memories guys....Years later, I ran into another girl I knew from college who had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship 6 months ago...and claimed to have not been with anyone since it ended....we didn't get together that night but I got in touch with her and about a couple of months later I spent the weekend with her.....and let's just say things didn't turn out so well. I wonder how much of it was false expectations vs lingering effects from the old flame.... and ironically...another Gin Blossoms song would forever be entrenched in the corners of my brain...this time it was "Hey Jealousy"....sad...I know...even though I still know nothing....
Anyway...back to the waitress...from what I could tell...she didn't seem to outwardly distressed over the end of her relationship although clearly it's having an effect....so she wanted to be friends while she was still in the relationship, but now that's she's out if it, where does that leave me? I'll tell you where it leaves me....no man's land. She's got my number. When she's ready to use it she will.
But then I got this friend who insists I just pick up the phone and call her. Men pursue. That's what we do. That's what he says anyway....more irony....women are usually the ones pursuing him...rather than the other way around. I guess he figures the rule applies to others...not himself....at least it applies to me...there aren't too many women chasing me these days...
4 days after I received her break-up news I sent the following text.
"So....."
I really did not want to send anything...and if I was going to do something I should have called...but...I decided to keep it simple, vague...but implied obvious....you know...I have no clue.
She replied immediately with this:
"I thought about calling you but i feel i need to be left alone. No hard feelings. Take care."
Simple yet strange too... My guy says it feels like a complete f off, if not for the first part which I figure she was trying to be nice...like to make me feel good....but that she's really not that interested.
Upon further review....as soon as I repeated the reply to another friend he likened chick's words to that of a Sherlock Holmes mystery...lots of clues but never a direct response that helps solve the crime....everything is open to interpretation. Another friend believes she's just not ready to jump back on the horse and it has nothing to do w me. If she had said I need to be left alone "for now"...or "gimme some time" well that would left the door open....but she didn't...she closed it in my face....softly....now maybe she doesn't expect me to hang around and wait for her to be ready.....but again...she could have said that and let me decide...but the double decker supreme combination of "No hard feelings" and "Take Care" is a 1-2 punch of Later. As in Never.
I didn't feel like going out getting dunked on like that so.....and my friend agreed...so I...we...sent the following text back:
"Ok...ill let u be..but don't let 1 white guy spoil it for the rest of us besides im not white im jewish u can can still call me anytime take care."
I should have mentioned she's black, not that it matters for this story...well I guess it did matter in order to get my attempt at humor . I'm white. The ex is also white.
Now...an acceptable response..at least a positive one would have been "LOL...thanks for understanding"...but I guess she didn't find too laugh out loud funny...and all I got was "Thanks for understanding."
And with that, after nearly 6 months of an off and on connection with me...the on part being when I would see her at work....there's only one move left for me....I deleted her number from my phone...for the second time.....shortly after we had first met I deleted her number since it wasn't going anywhere......I later put it back in because after not having seen her in awhile she suddenly seemed a little more interested in being friends........I guess if she would ever contact me again...I'd probably consider getting together with her.....I can't make the same mistake twice...can I?
In brief, here's the recap. She's a waitress. I asked for her number. She gave it to me. We talked. We flirted. We had a drink. This went off and on for several months during which she was still in the middle of a 7.5 year on and off relationship...apparently still on. I had no interest in pursuing her while he was still in the picture. She wanted to be friends. Within the last week she tells me she's now broken up..it's been 3.5 weeks and says she'll call me.
Timing has never been my good fortune. In college a girl I wanted to date had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and was not ready...she asked me to wait....by the time she came to me wanting to be together...I couldn't do it. I didn't want to be that guy that said "How high?" when she said, "Jump." Although I believed at the time it was the right move...not a day goes by today without me thinking it was just stupid on my part....well maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration....not the stupid part...it was stupid as hell...but the everyday thing....more like popping in and out of my mind from time to time....especially when I hear the song, "Alison Road" by the Gin Blossoms..thanks for the memories guys....Years later, I ran into another girl I knew from college who had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship 6 months ago...and claimed to have not been with anyone since it ended....we didn't get together that night but I got in touch with her and about a couple of months later I spent the weekend with her.....and let's just say things didn't turn out so well. I wonder how much of it was false expectations vs lingering effects from the old flame.... and ironically...another Gin Blossoms song would forever be entrenched in the corners of my brain...this time it was "Hey Jealousy"....sad...I know...even though I still know nothing....
Anyway...back to the waitress...from what I could tell...she didn't seem to outwardly distressed over the end of her relationship although clearly it's having an effect....so she wanted to be friends while she was still in the relationship, but now that's she's out if it, where does that leave me? I'll tell you where it leaves me....no man's land. She's got my number. When she's ready to use it she will.
But then I got this friend who insists I just pick up the phone and call her. Men pursue. That's what we do. That's what he says anyway....more irony....women are usually the ones pursuing him...rather than the other way around. I guess he figures the rule applies to others...not himself....at least it applies to me...there aren't too many women chasing me these days...
4 days after I received her break-up news I sent the following text.
"So....."
I really did not want to send anything...and if I was going to do something I should have called...but...I decided to keep it simple, vague...but implied obvious....you know...I have no clue.
She replied immediately with this:
"I thought about calling you but i feel i need to be left alone. No hard feelings. Take care."
Simple yet strange too... My guy says it feels like a complete f off, if not for the first part which I figure she was trying to be nice...like to make me feel good....but that she's really not that interested.
Upon further review....as soon as I repeated the reply to another friend he likened chick's words to that of a Sherlock Holmes mystery...lots of clues but never a direct response that helps solve the crime....everything is open to interpretation. Another friend believes she's just not ready to jump back on the horse and it has nothing to do w me. If she had said I need to be left alone "for now"...or "gimme some time" well that would left the door open....but she didn't...she closed it in my face....softly....now maybe she doesn't expect me to hang around and wait for her to be ready.....but again...she could have said that and let me decide...but the double decker supreme combination of "No hard feelings" and "Take Care" is a 1-2 punch of Later. As in Never.
I didn't feel like going out getting dunked on like that so.....and my friend agreed...so I...we...sent the following text back:
"Ok...ill let u be..but don't let 1 white guy spoil it for the rest of us besides im not white im jewish u can can still call me anytime take care."
I should have mentioned she's black, not that it matters for this story...well I guess it did matter in order to get my attempt at humor . I'm white. The ex is also white.
Now...an acceptable response..at least a positive one would have been "LOL...thanks for understanding"...but I guess she didn't find too laugh out loud funny...and all I got was "Thanks for understanding."
And with that, after nearly 6 months of an off and on connection with me...the on part being when I would see her at work....there's only one move left for me....I deleted her number from my phone...for the second time.....shortly after we had first met I deleted her number since it wasn't going anywhere......I later put it back in because after not having seen her in awhile she suddenly seemed a little more interested in being friends........I guess if she would ever contact me again...I'd probably consider getting together with her.....I can't make the same mistake twice...can I?
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