First dates

They generally suck.....both people are a little uncomfortable..nervous...you never know what to say or what you should say...how much you should touch...it's all a "big bowl" (to steal from Jeff Garlin) of awkwardness...especially when you already had some great drunken touchy feely chemistry on the night you first met...how do you start back up?....pickup where you left off?

I didn't have to wait long to find out about my lady in white (READ THE PREVIOUS ENTRY)...she did a pre-emptive text to me two days after we met...I was planning a mid-week text...4 days min....standard....not even sure the reaction I would get...and this 4-day waiting period is so stupid but it's just become like a no-fault safezone that can't possibly screw anything up....but ladies...if a guy calls you anytime within a week it means he likes you...and if he waits 6 days it doesn't mean he likes you any less than the guy who texts you the next day or 2 days later.....he may even like you more.....I know it sounds ridiculous but the more a guy likes a girl the longer he forces himself to wait...and yes it's exactly like in Swingers because we're afraid of scaring off a beautiful baby......a common mistake by guys is not falling for a chick too fast but telling her too fast we've fallen for her....chicks get weirded out about this shit...they say "You don't even know me, how can you like me so much?"...believe it...it's happened to me....and the short of it is....we don't need a lot to get our emotions going....contrary to what you women tend to think...most of us are very emotional and passionate...look how we are about sports, music....PLASMAS.....we're not afraid of showing emotion...we're afraid of showing it to you because we're unsure how you're going to react.....we're very aware that women can have a change of heart at the drop of a hat....that's why we're always so frantic trying to get that damn rubber open and on....cause those few seconds it takes can seem like a fucking eternity...long enough for her to change her mind.....so anything we do has the potential to be a deal breaker.....I can't stress "anything" strong enough.....it's often a thing we have no idea about either....women are wired so sensitively that we can do something wrong and not even know it...all of a sudden we're asking you, "What'd I do?"....

OK..so she surprised the hell out of me with the text.....as well as the perfect simpleness of it, "Hi"...I couldn't have had a bigger smile on my face when I saw it....see...I've always said sometimes it's the simplest things in life that give the greatest pleasures....I am like an enigma because I'm not easily happy but I can be happy rather easily.....it makes no sense...but anyway.....so..now that it was on..I had to come back with something...I am a writer, right?

...after consulting with my favorite not yet married but act like it couple about what to respond with...the text by committee came up with...although I should note I was the one to come up with it but they were both thinking I should say exactly that...how crazy is that?...so what did I say?...well if you read the previous entry you'd know she mentioned "...business first then we'll see about the pleasure..." or something to that effect...oK...so I texted back, "Is this a business or pleasure hi?"...she had to laugh at that cause she came back with something equally clever and playful..."A friendly business hi"...

So now what?...I suggested lunch two days later...and never heard back....great...now that was strange...was she not ready for lunch?...did she just want to talk some?...maybe she really was just into business....I still had no idea what she did....well...I eventually found out why she never responded...she never got it....it was stuck in my outbox folder from hell...I always thought that stuff automatically re-sent when a signal appeared....and how did I find out?...well just before I was about to text her again...the next day...she hit me with another pre-emptive one...now that was just crazy strange...it said, "Plans tonight?".......I could go with a Kramer "giddy-up" or a Glenn (from Family Guy) "giggetty giggetty goo"......silly...yes...nevertheless either one still works...

After some insignificant back and forths she suggested cocktails or a movie and to call her...I did and I suggested we do both and not just one. She was down and then we talked movie. She of course wanted to see some sappy Dane Cook romantic comedy which was a no go for me..I mean I guess I could have seen it but she seemed OK to go with something else...we saw Righteous Kill..it was kinda' intense and had its moments...the movie was irrelevant to the date...

We met at a dark semi-trendy bar around the corner from the theatre..we sat in a booth type table and hung for like an hour before walking over to the theatre...we had bourbon on the rocks at her suggestion....I said we should toast to something and she went first and I think she toasted to "new friends and fun" or something like that....and I toasted to "mixing business and pleasure"...an inside joke if you read the previous entry.....among the several things we talked about was her ex-boyfriend, do all men cheat? and have I ever cheated?...so you can see what's on her mind....despite it...we seemed to have a few pleasant moments...oh yeah she also told me how the white dress she wore the night we met wasn't even hers.....cause she never dresses like that and she's actually kinda' conservative....and that she borrowed it from a friend to feel sexy now that she's back single again....which is interesting on several levels....

First of all...women seem to dress up not for us but for themselves...they lack so much confidence that merely what they wear will make them feel more sexy and thus more confident...yes they're looking for attention from guys but that's only to make themselves feel better about themselves...it's not to turn us on...there are exceptions of course...a woman who is unselfish and takes pleasure in pleasing her man will dress up for him...I think it showed a lot how my girl thinks but in her defense she did just leave a significant relationship where she was cheated on...on the flip side...why did she stick around at all with someone like that?...there can only be two logical reasons...one...he's got money...two...she likes fucking him....this is where the lack of confidence comes in because without any she thinks she can't possibly find someone who can either A, fuck her as well or B, how will she able to survive without his flow?....she even tried to justify his love to me by explaining he did love her that's why he didn't want to tell her about cheating on her because he knew how much it would hurt her....yes...she actually said that to me...I told her...if he really cared that much about you he never would have cheated on you in the first place....it's that simple...

I also know you're probably thinking "Fuck this bitch"....well...the reason I didn't at this point was because despite her messed up thinking she was sweet and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt...plus I was still attracted to her now that I've had the second look...you never know with that first intoxicated encounter....at any rate...we walked over to the movie where she ended up getting some text right before we went inside that kinda' freaked her out..so I gave her some space to text back....the whole phone thing is another turn off...when you're on a first date...2nd date...anything early you should not be texting and taking calls...it's just a lack of respect..right?...I don't think it's too much to ask...but she obviously has a lot on her mind..it may have even been the boyfriend...I tried to take the thing from her in the movie but she wouldn't give it up...so whatever....

Afterwards, I walked her back to her car...had the awkward end of the date conversation...it was about waking up in the AM...and how early she gets up and how I like to sleep in...she brought up the ex again..so there would be no kiss...I wasn't feelin it and I'm pretty sure she had no interest...I went ahead and asked her if she still felt like maybe doin' lunch tomorrow and she said she did to call her when I got up...I figured I go for the back to back dates just to see what was up cause this wasn't something I felt like draggin out...along...but really...I had no idea if she was into going or not.....

As far as first date grade I'm gonna give it a C+...if the phone thing never happened it would have been a solid B but I gotta deduct points for the texting....but no matter what the grade it was definitely a letdown from the night we met...what women don't realize is when you have the kinda chemistry we had that first night it's almost impossible to duplicate on any next date...the right thing to do would have been to go home with each other that first night, fuck the shit out of each other...then we'd talk later about how messed up she still is with the ex-boyfriend and then I'd tell her I'd love to see her again but she's got to get past him first...when that happens...call me...and then we would have at least one incredible night together rather than going through a series of early dating bullshit....but most women aren't wired like that...especially this one...so...it didn't happen and now I'm sort of stuck in dating purgatory....I have no clue.