If I only knew...

Dating for Sex v Dating for Relationship

2008-11-22T22:25:00.000-08:00

"Try to have sex with as many women as you can."
- Any random guy

Most guys will try and tell you that all they care about is getting laid...that relationships mean virtually nothing...it's all about the sex....when I told a friend of mine about how I had been out with three different women in a very short amount of time his immediate reaction was "Good for you. Sleep with as many as you can."

When girls say "We want to have sex just as much as guys"...that's not accurate...they think they want to have as much sex as we do but the reality is that if they did they would be having as much as sex as they can...which would be about.....a lot....and whatever you think is a lot....triple it....and no woman short of a select few who get paid in the valley on a regular basis to have sex are actually having as much sex as they could if they were a guy.

While guys ideally want to have as much sex as we can with as many different women as we can...there are some girls that make us think otherwise....and those are the ones we want to date....and perhaps one day settle down with...there's a major difference between dating for sex and dating for a relationship....

A lot of guys will argue there's no difference between the two...or should I say....the guy shouldn't act any different in his pursuit of the two....and just because a guy wants a possible relationship with a woman doesn't mean he's going to be opposed to just having sex with her if that's all the girl wants...sometimes we think a girl prefers the relationship routine but really all she wants is some fun and sex....unfortunately, unless she communicates that...there's really no way of knowing...and that's why most guys end up thinking about only having sex with her....it makes it less complicated....you can always go for the relationship thing if the sex works out and she's interested in more.....but if you go the other way, you might scare a beautiful baby away by trying to go for a bigger bite than she's willing to serve at that moment....

"It's easier to beg for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission."
- A wiser man than me

A wiser man than me who was trying to point out to me....that the worst you can do when you cross a line.....overstep....what line?.....where's the line?....how thick or thin is it?.....who the hell knows?....certainly not men.....we often risk going over a line we have no idea of its whereabouts...we just know we're in jeopardy of crossing it....at that point....it's easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission to cross "that" line......smooth it over....but if you have to ask for permission you'll find yourself walking on eggshells or worse....stuck in a minefield you may never get out of....Take control...keep your foot on the accelerator...and whatever you do...do not...I repeat...do not put the "Pussy on the Pedestal."

"Oh...you put the pussy on a pedestal.."
- A wiser man than me

A different wise man...but still wiser than me who reacted with disappointment in hearing I may have shown...well...there's no other way to explain it than to say...too much respect toward the woman...that's putting the pussy on a pedestal....not that we should disrespect her...but often a mistake is made where we think so highly of the woman we are with we put her up on an impossible pedestal that we are then unable to reach....she doesn't do it....we do it....all of this putting the pussy on the pedestal prevents us from doing one thing....the one thing that matters most....the only thing that matters......and that thing is.......closing.

I'm reminded of an expression from the great film, Glengarry Glenn Ross...."A-B-C. Always Be Closing"....it doesn't matter if you're talking real estate deals or women....always be closing...... ...digits...date...sex.....it's a constant sales pitch...and you always have to be working her to sign on the dotted line....you can be aggressive...passive...passive aggressive...whatever the methods....the goal remains the same.....close.....this is such a man concept too...I'm sure women reading this are probably like "You've got to be kidding me?....Men actually think like this?" yes...we are dogs...hunters....we see a wounded fish...aka blood in the water....we go for the kill.....Always Be Closing....and the reason we have to always keep this in our minds is because it's very easy to lose sight of the endzone.....you distract us....women are very distracting....other than sports....it's the only the thing that can grab our attention so easily.....we think to ourselves...maybe I shouldn't do that...WRONG ANSWER......I don't want to upset her....WRONG ANSWER.......or she'll let me know when she's ready....EHHH. WRONG ANSWER...A. B. C. Always Be Closing....

Brad Lidge closes for the Phillies.....Alec Baldwin closes for Glengarry Glen Ross.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtJroJ-El8k

The girl I flew up to see in NY is still in my head...and certainly I did not do a good job of "closing"....you might say...I blew the save in the ninth....one random female bartender who I ran part of the story by suggested my very lack of closing may have been a major turn off....she went onto explain how my flying up just for an afternoon was so incredibly aggressive that I should have equaled that aggression on the date....of course I was guarding against doing that precise thing because I didn't want to make it seem like I was entitled to it since I flew up.....perhaps a little pussy pedestal thing happening.....another friend pointed out that maybe she just wanted to have sex with me...and that was it....as flattering as that may appear to me...it never even entered my mind...but given the outcome...or lack thereof....anything is possible.....

So where does all of this thinking lead a guy to?.....I'll tell you where it leads us...it leads us down the path discussed at the top of this entry...and that's....we're in it just for the sex.... Something About Mary tried to teach us not to think about having sex...because that would only get us into trouble and we'd be more focused if we weren't thinking about sex....EHHHH WRONG ANSWER...LISTEN TO...HEAR ALEC BALDWIN.........so with this NY girl I went with the not interested in sex approach....and where did it get me?....I know where it hasn't gotten me yet...and that's a second date.....

The lesson here is that you can't win if you actually hope for a relationship out of dating.....if that happens...then so be it....but really...all dating should be about is trying to have sex....not trying to date...girls would like to have you believe that they want to date but actually they're every bit as much about the sex as guys...they just don't know how to show it or tell you that.....they're too worried about how they might be perceived if they just want sex....then again...maybe I'm just an idiot...or at least a guy who still knows nothing....

I got my answer....

2008-11-19T19:13:00.000-08:00

....I think....I finally heard back from "The Love of My Life?".....

After the weekend went by from my heartfelt voicemail with still no reply.....I texted to find out how her doctor's appt on her knee went.....to this text, she replied right away with some excitement that I checked in....by excitement I mean, she used a couple explanation points....she needs rehab for like 6 weeks so I told her how terrible that sounded and was sorry to hear it and did that mean I would have to wait another 6 weeks to see her?....maybe she didn't know how to respond and didn't want to just blow me off, but either way, I got no response......obviously, I was not feeling good about how she felt about me....

I sat on it for a couple of weeks...I thought about doing nothing...but I pushed for a more direct answer.....I was still thinking about her too much and needed to just move on....so I texted again...

hey how r u? I feel like I must be crazy thinkin we both had hit it off...r u reluctant 2 talk cause of the distance????...tell me what ur thinkin..talk to me:)

I wanted to at least get her to acknowledge something...anything.....about our time together....it seemed only fair....and just....of course, I know there's nothing just when it comes to matters of the heart....

She responded with this:

Hey! I'm actually really sick right now and have been overworking myself the past 2 weeks hardcore. The distance is certainly an issue on some level but more than anything I've just been busy.

Fairly benign wouldn't you say?...."Hey!" is she happy to hear from me? or does the exclamation point really mean nothing?!...."on some level"...what the hell does that mean?....what's on the other levels?....it sure appears the level of her like of me isn't enough to warrant any sort of long distance relationship...but then again....she did say "more than anything I'vejust been busy."...could it be that simple?......I think that's what so many of my friends like to refer to as "positive thinking"on my part.......maybe she thought I wanted to develop something serious and that's scaring her off......she doesn't know me well enough to make that assessment...I recognize how I've approached her to this point would suggest that....but I'm not that kinda' guy...I had to convey that somehow to her...and the funny thing is about the whole long distance thing is that if we weren't long distance there's no way I'd be acting like this...or even thinking like this....and while the distance is irrelevent to me in terms of a potential relationship.......it's, at the same time, the very issue that makes this relevant......getting serious with someone....especially after just one date...is the furthest thing from my mind...the simple fact is that I like her. Period. OK. I really like her. But what's wrong with that?...that's it....and if I like someone I'm going to do whatever I can to just Carpe Diem and live in the moment...I may be old in single dating years but I'm young in terms of thinking about the future.....what happens next or down the road...I'm still at a point in my life where I could care less right now...

I had to reply...again.....her answer was far from complete and left me even more unsatisfied then before I sent this last text....so...this is what I said...it took like 4 texts to send it all...those damn 160 character limits:

Sorry 2 hear ur not doin well i understand about the distance but its not like that wasn't always there and maybe cause of my age or what i've said makes...u think im looking 4 something more than ur willing 2 give but honestly i thought u were pretty amazing the nt we met and that's why i stuck it out tryin 2 see u again..all i want rt now is 2 get 2 know u better and yes see u again but if ur not feelin it then all the flirting and romance i try isn't goin 2 make...the dist btween us any shorter...whtever ur comforable w ill be cool with...uve already put a smile on my face maybe one day i can put one in ur heart...feel better.

Yes. I dropped some more matzo balls. But all I really wanted was her to open up a little bit to me....show some emotion back...anything...good...or bad....tell me straight out if that I was in town you'd totally want to go out again....or...tell me you're just not into me.....As much as girls preach to us about being open and honest.....it sure doesn't seem they're willing to be that way with us.....so far...she's really giving me nothing....she could have told me she's flattered by all my affection...I mean..how could she notbe?.....and maybe it's just not a good time for her...or....she's just not that interested...or the distance is too much to overcome right now.... something....anything...but I keep getting nothing from her.....

She replied fairly soon with:

Thank you. We'll have to play the meeting again by ear. I have a few busy weeks ahead of me and then I'm not even sure where I'll be heading come January. Have a good night, talk to you later.

Even more benign. Ouch. And the TTUL....double ouch. At least the first text I got after we saw eo in NYC was TTUSoon. It's hard for me to believe this is the same person I went out with....the one who seemed to have so much heart and soul. What can I say except, "Oh well." I kinda' feel like Jim Carey in Dumb & Dumber when Lauren Holly tells him he's got like one in a million chance of getting together with her and he says "So, you're saying I have chance."....there's always a chance I'll hear from her...but I'm certainly not counting on it....and not going to be contacting her anytime soon...or probably ever again....while the 1 in a million line got lots of laughs in the film.....as far as odds go....don't you think 1 in a million is about right when you're talking about a love that you could end up callingl.......the love of your life...???????....

On a side note....As I finish this entry up...my iTunes library I'm listening to while I type just kicked into Springsteen's "I'll Work for Your Love".....now that's a bit of irony.......sorry Bruce....I tried.....looks like it's not going to work out.

The "When Harry Met Sally" Dilemna

2008-11-09T23:16:00.000-08:00

"Men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way."
Harry Burns
University of Chicago Graduate

Can men and women be friends?.....if one or both want to have sex?....the answer is no...you can try...sure you can try...but ultimately it won't work...sexual tension kills any chance at friendship if there is no sex....can you be friends after you've had sex?...absolutely...I recently had a discussion with a girl who didn't agree with me....and hence the premise for the film , "When Harry Met Sally"...watch it...learn it...live it....

I asked two straight guy friends of mine who date a lot what they thought...and both..without hesitation agreed with a resounding..."Hell No!"...it's just not possible they argued....if both are "in play" then you cannot just be friends with a member of the opposite sex...unless you ultimately have sex......even if you're in a relationship you cannot be friends with a member with the opposite sex without your significant other present because of the sexual tension/possibilties....sex dominates all other factors....unless you are an asexual person.....period.

Women have an ideal in their mind that they can be friends with straight guys without having sex with them....this is true...if..but only if, she and him are in separate relationships or he is not attracted to the woman...any other situation and it's impossible....if both are single and one of the two are attracted to the other....not a chance in hell....now...she'll argue she has plenty of guy friends that she's never had sex with...but really those guys are either...A...not attracted to her...or more likely...B....full of shit....any guy that acts like he isn't interested in sleeping with a girl who clearly is attractive is full of shit....and playing the girl in the hopes that one day down the road he may end up sleeping with her.... no guy ever wants to close the door on a woman he's attracted to....

Now..for the girl...she can't understand why a guy can't just be friends with her...why does everything have to be about sex?...everything isn't about sex for us...that's why we have sports and guy friends....women are here for sex....and....relationships...but no guy wants a "relationship" without sex....even the super religious types...ultimately want sex....after marriage....

A friend told me she resented the fact that I only went out with her cause I wanted to sleep with her....instead of actually being flattered by the fact I wanted to have sex with her she took it as demeaning because that's all I was interested in...she could not believe the only reason I took her out was because I wanted to sleep with her....despite the fact that I'm a heterosexual single man who flirted with her drunk in a bar one night....no...why would I want to have sex with her?...that wouldn't make any sense at all, would it?.....and just because I want to have sex with her doesn't mean I don't want to still be friends with her....the two are not necessarily unrelated....it depends on the guy...granted, some guys just want to hit it and split it....and others, just want to keep hitting it for as long as possible.....if you ask any guy out there...they will tell you the ultimate compliment you can give any girl is that you want to have sex with her....I don't see how wanting to have sex with a woman can be anything but a good thing.....

The problem with women is that they don't know how to accept how men think...they want to know why we do things or why we act like what we do....sometimes...it's just better to learn to accept how we act than question it....you don't have to completely understand everything we do...there won't be a test at the end...but you do have to learn to accept it.

The Love of My Life?

2008-11-07T17:43:00.000-08:00

Before you all go jumping to any assumptions or conclusions....let me say that the "love of my life" is a ridiculously strong statement to make...unless of course someone actually turns out to be the love of your life...which..would then be an appropriate statement to make....but it still feels kinda' funny to say for me because I'd never actually experienced anything close to that....in the end..I guess that's what it's all about...most people ultimately seek someone who they identify with as the love of their life...that's why we date...that's why we have families....but when you're not necessarily actively seeking the love of your life...it's a scary proposition to consider....so with that said....I was with two guy friends a few months back and we were all debating whether to go into this one bar...and I'll never forget what one of them said to me prior to entering.

He said, "Oh no...we're going in here...after all, the love of your life could be in there and I don't want to prevent you from meeting her."

With that bit of Nostradamus like declaration we went inside....where the story of the 21-year old mentioned in the Aug 28,2008 blog begins....this is the follow-up...yes...there's follow-up....

In that previous blog I said she ended up calling me a few days later...well..we never went out cause I had left town and she was moving to NYC...after several failed attempts to get together both in town and out of town...I was determined to try and see her...I felt something special about her....and I'd be lying if my friend's comments didn't at least raise my curiosity level a 'lil extra...and she was the one who called me...so clearly she had some interest....at least I had that going for me....

For 2 months we traded missed phone calls...texts...voice messages...quite honestly I couldn't believe she was hanging in there with me...if I didn't get a prompt reply from her I would think I was done...only to have her send me something back keeping open the possibility of seeing each other....Finally...the day before I was set to fly from Florida back to LA...we set up an afternoon together where I would fly up to NYC..spend a few hours with her before flying back to LA from NYC....it felt crazy for me to actually do that...and it sounds even crazier to type it...but with crazy also comes a kind of unique excitement....I felt it was a good crazy and she must have felt the same...I knew my window of opportunity might be closing with her...after already one scheduled trip to see her had been canceled by me...and she said "hopefully it will be sooner rather than later" that we can see each other...you never want to give a girl a reason to pause or re-think...time to think for a girl is never good for the boy...that's why we want to get that condom out of that wrapper and on as fast as possible because in that moment of paused intimacy she could have a change of heart....which makes me think of the scene from the film "Booty Call" when Jamie Foxx and Tommy Davidson are sent out to get protection....they both knew they were at major risk once they walked out that door...that's what made it so funny and why they were so frantic while they were out away from their girls....classic...but anyway...on to NYC...

Making the plans as we did kind of presented a different kind of pressure to a first date...on the one hand there was no possibility of any hooking up with me flying out that night..I guess I could have stayed over and changed my plans if something like that presented itself....but my expectations were certainly nowhere in that range...that's why I was cool with the brief time we'd have together...I wanted it to be chill and comfortable and more of a get to you know type thing which is really what it should have been....while it was a lot to spend for just a relatively simple first date...with the extra flying and all...the money meant nothing....like I said...I had a good feeling about this girl....and I had to find out if my instincts were right....but while the pressure of any intimacy was off....the mere fact I was flying in special just to spend a few hours with her didn't exactly calm my nerves.....it almost felt like I was living out a scene in some romantic comedy.....how romantic should I even try to be? How would she react? If I only I knew what her expectations were....but once I got there...I suddenly felt very relaxed and knew I had done the right thing...

I thought about bringing my camera with me....just to be able to take some pictures of her...have some extra fun with the date...and maybe have some photos down the road of our first date just in case it led to something more...I'd also be lying if I didn't want to be able to show some friends pictures of this girl that I decided to fly 1,000 miles out of way to see.....who knows if I would ever see her again......I can recall another date I recently went on where I did bring a camera and the girl seemed to happy I did so at first it seemed like a harmless thing to do.....I know most girls have no idea we think like this...but everything we do is calculated based on one of two thoughts...will it score us points? or will it take away points?.....at the last second I decided against the camera....thinking it might seem like I was making too big a deal out of our first date...and that could be a kiss of death....making her think I cared too much about it.....although really looking back...how much bigger of a deal could I make it than flying 1,000 miles in just to spend a few hours together....????...well...she ended up bringing her camera....and maybe she was thinking the same thing.....or she just always carry hers in her purse.....although I will say upfront...she never offered to take a picture of me or asked for one of us.....not a good thing....but anyway...

While I waited for her in a hotel lobby bar...it was kind of funny when I asked her to meet at this hotel cause it sounded like such a movie cliche...but practically it worked for its central location and to check my bags with the bellman...as I waited for her I wondered if she'd even recognize me? And would I her?...we really only had like an hour of face time the night we met nearly three months prior....

The first glimpse of her came as she entered the lobby and I got to watch her walk across it to meet me....she looked beautiful....glowing....flipping her glistening short blonde hair while beaming with a bright smile and vibrant purple jacket...jeans and boots...sexy and slightly sassy...she walked with a confidence and style unparalleled for her age....she greeted me with a strong hug...I couldn't help but think of the Seinfeld episode when Jerry met this woman at the airport and brought George along to judge their greeting...to determine how much this woman actually liked Jerry....the double hands out hey would have been an awful way to begin....

So we sat down on one of the couches in the lobby and talked for a few minutes where I thought we'd end up having a drink first but she was so hungry we didn't stay long....sitting in the lobby....she looked different from her server ensemble she was wearing the night we met...a better different...I told her so...she had a more relaxed confidence...happier...makes sense...she wasn't working...anyway....it didn't take long for me to become enamored with her...she was charming, intelligent and very mature...this is not your average 21-yr old.

We walked a few blocks to a pizzeria....if you only have one meal in NY it's got to be pizza....and although she admitted to having pizza just the night before she was more than willing to seemingly make me happy...other girls might have tried to suggest something else to satisfy their desire...and if she really didn't want pizza I would have gone where she wanted to go...but she accepted so easily and willingly I thought that said something positively about her....she wanted to accommodate me...most women I meet are far more interested in themselves than anyone else....

I felt very much ease at with her from the start....over lunch we got to know each other....she seemed impressed that I'd remembered certain details from the night we met....she told me I had a good memory...I told her I remember things I want to...we talked about NY and how much I miss living there...she wanted me to list my top 5 things about the city...the only one that mattered was the one I did not mention....I guess I was a pussy...to me..the best thing about NY is the romance of the city...certainly anyone who spends any time at all in NY can see why it's easy to fall in love with the place...but there's also something special about falling in love in this city....amongst all the craziness and noise and traffic....there's a peacefulness and harmony that spirits your soul and ignites your heart...there's a reason those I love NY shirts are so popular...I wanted to tell her all of this...like I was reading to her from a great script...but I backed off...not wanting to be so bold so soon....I didn't have the courage to say it...even though I know she would have loved to hear that's how I thought...whether she wanted to share that romance with me is up in the air...I suddenly felt 17....not 37.....

I wonder if I was only thinking this because I had flown in for this date? If I was living here would I have felt any sense of urgency to be romantic? Throughout the date, I clearly seemed to guard against thinking that I should try and take it to that level more quickly than normal...so I ended up acting like it was just another first date...nothing out of the ordinary...maybe that was wrong on my part...and maybe she wanted to be totally swept off her feet...I just didn't want to be over the top...I figured flying in was enough at this point...if I was lucky enough to get a second date...that's when I'd have to bring the goods......I didn't want to do anything that would make her think "What is this guy doing?"....or "How could he feel this way already?"....even though I did....if she only knew what I was thinking...how many times I wanted to reach in and gently kiss her..or slowly pull her in close and and whisper in her ear how beautiful she was...

The age thing inevitably came up...we never talked about it when we met...as I hoped to avoid it because of the nearly 16 year difference.....I admitted I was going to lie about it right up until the point I found out her older sister and I went to the same high school...and then when she insisted it did not matter to her...and revealed she dated a guy who was 35 when she was 18....I asked how that worked out...and she claimed it was a good experience..they went for more than a year and are still friends now...I didn't ask why they broke up...only because I really didn't want to know the answer...it's probably because she moved...distance...a relationship killer....and my obvious number one problem....

As we wrapped up lunch, she asked what I wanted to do the rest of the day?...A friend of mine later said I should have suggested a jetski trip over to Ellis Island to check out her ancestors...ha...a "Hitch" reference...I thought about planning something elaborate but I decided to leave it up to her..as in..I really did want to do whatever she wanted...so I asked her, "Is there anything you've been wanting to do here that you haven't done yet?"....I think she liked the way I said it....she laughed and said there were a few things....she suggested the Met..the art museum by the park......even more evidence this was not some girl you just wanted to go out and bang....dare I say it?....it was the kind you could take home to momma....

We hopped a cab for the short ride over....another thing that adds to the romance of the city are cab rides...despite the perception of wild dangerous rides...snuggled close in the back seat can only fuel an intimate moment....unfortunately..nothing really developed in our two cab rides...of course being drunk helps....

She really appeared to enjoy walking around the museum.....I found myself watching her more than the art itself....we laughed and joked a lot...she asked if I went to museums on a regular basis?.....and I don't really...but every time I do go I think I should go more often....and the funny thing is....since I met her 3 months previous now that I'm thinking about it I had in fact been to 3 of the most major museums in the country....the Philadelphia Museum of Art, the Getty in LA (coincidentally on another date...at my suggestion) and now the Met with her...so I guess that would qualify as fairly regular....we kept walking around and even posed for some funny photos for an art student where we mimicked the pose of the painting behind us.....I tried to take some more photos of her with her camera but she felt a little self-conscious about it....although she was far from shy she still needed some warming up....we made our way into a room filled with sculptures and statues and found a bench to sit on in the middle of the room...in front of us was a giant statue that featured a goddess with an inscription that described her as a "divine intoxication"....appropriate as I was getting drunk on my girl....but how could I tell her that after a few hours?...it was ridiculous...I wish my friend hadn't said that thing about meeting the love of my life...could this girl really be it?...still sitting there on the bench ..now straddling it and facing her I wanted to lean and kiss her right then...soft and subtle....it would have been perfect..I could have told her how she was intoxicating me....reaching to gently touch her leg and kiss her.....

So I didn't....and I certainly have no clue if she was feeling anything like that...I avoided eye contact to deflect how I was feeling...I'd love to be able to talk to her about that moment down the road....I noticed sitting on that bench that many of the statues faced us from their backsides...as if the bench was on the wrong side of the room...but interestingly and out of nowhere she proclaimed "Some might say the backside is the best side"..... as if she was trying to tell me something about her.....and I wanted to tell how much I loved hers and couldn't wait to get my hands on it....instead I sort of nodded in agreement...I don't know what the hell was wrong with me....I do know what was wrong with me...there's an expression a friend of mine and I like to say and it's "Don't put the pussy on a pedestal"...well..I was putting the pussy on the pedestal.....instead of treating this girl like every other girl...any other girl...I was looking at her like one of those statues standing before us....but...the problem was that she was not like any other girl....and I knew it.....and it was driving me nuts....

We left the museum to walk through the park...as in Central....another amazing spot in the city....particularly at night...which it now was...upon entering the park the frantic sights and sounds of the city quickly disappear and you're transported into....serenity....call George Costanza...there's not a better spot to take a girl...again...it would have been nice to hold hands and all that...but we really didn't have much physical contact...there was no playful touching on her part....although she frequently adjusted her hair and reapplied lip gloss...maybe out lack of physical flirtation had more to do with her age and her conservativeness than it had to do with actually me...but I guess I could have been a little more aggressive in that department....but the last thing I wanted to do was make her at all uncomfortable....when she was ready..she'd let me know it....

I took her to this area where there was a small lake which she had never been to before and we grabbed a seat on another bench...the air had turned crisp and cool...a lamppost nearby provided the only light around us...again...she looked beautiful sitting there looking up at the sky..she took out her camera and took some photos of the tree branches in the darkness above us...this time she allowed me to take a few pictures of her as she leaned back and gazed into the night sky...she then wanted to show me some of her favorite videos from YouTube on her iPhone...one of them was this unbelievably touching story/video of a group of guys who years earlier had managed to infiltrate a lion pride and actually receive a hug from this wild lion....well there's text that appears over the video which she reads aloud to me...I love the sound of her voice...the first time she ever called me and left me a VM I almost downloaded it to my computer so I'd have it forever....if she had a recorded message on her voicemail...which she does not...I would call it just to listen to it...kind of like Michael J Fox did in "Doc Hollywood" when he called from LA to listen to the pre-recorded Grady weather report.....so we're watching this amazing video on her iPhone and the guys are now back in the wild jungle like 15 years later maybe looking for this same lion...they end up finding him and he runs over to them and gives them the most unbelievable loving hug...he literally jumps into their arms, wrapping its front paws around their shoulders...it was really quite emotional....here's the link...it's worth checking out.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjWtRYaxmWM

so I guess I don't know if she showed me the video because she wanted to see my reaction...if she was just feeling good about our date and wanted to share that with me...or she was just bored out of her mind and was trying to kill time....obviously, I'd like to think it was the former.....you never know anything until a girl comes right and says...I really like you...It started to drizzle some and it was time to go anyway...I had a flight to catch and she had dinner plans with her sister and a friend...on our way out we passed the giant Hans Christian Anderson statue in the park...she actually didn't know who he was but it made for a good photo op...I told her to hop onto his lap and I'll take some photos...this time she jumped like a cute little school girl and I snapped some fun shots of her in various poses...I had give me a sexy...a goofy...it was good stuff....too bad she hasn't emailed them to me..I could have posted them....eventually....we left the park and caught a cab back to the hotel.

I thought we might have some time to have a drink back at the hotel...but we didn't...we hung out for a few minutes before I walked her to her train....unfortunately the train came almost immediately so we didn't have much final goodbye time..I got to tell her how I had a great time...and that it didn't even feel like a first date...I was really comfortable around her and she agreed and thanked me for coming to see her...I told her I want to see her again sooner rather than later...and she said definitely...like definitely I'd like that...she reached to hug me tight and that was it....

Now I had a 6 hour flight ahead of me to rehash the whole date in my head...ugggh...I thought I might get a text from her before I took off but I didn't... so I sent her one...again telling her how much I enjoyed getting to know her and that I can't believe I didn't ask for her number the night we met but I was glad she ended up calling. The whole reason I didn't ask for her number was because I was just doing one of those stupid tricks about not acting too interested...I figured if she was interested she'd call me.....the fact that it worked doesn't mean I'm never going to ask again for a girl's number....but I do think they will either off it up first or take your number from you......at any rate....she texted back...but it didn't come through until I landed in LA 6 hours later....she said she was glad too (that she ended up calling me)...and to have a good flight and talk to you soon....I still wasn't sure....I'm still not sure now...several days later.

I spent a good part of the next day talking to several of my close friends about the date...my head was spinning...we exchanged a couple of texts about her knee..which I forgot to mention she had asked if I knew of a good doctor cause she was having some problems and I got my brother who lives in NYC to give me one so I texted her the info that morning...I didn't hear from her until that night where she just said she ended up going w a different one cause of her insurance...but that was it...I desperately wanted to know what she was thinking about our time together...I had thoughts of flying back on the weekend to see her again...a girl friend of mine wanted to know how disappointed I'd be if we never saw each other again....and I was like..."Are you kidding?"...like I said..this wasn't a girl I just wanted to have sex with...I wasn't even thinking like that while I was with her....she was amazing...and I had to tell her....after hearing about the entire date and how I felt...my girl friend thought I should call her and tell her...I was concerned it might be a bit strong...after a first date....but she claimed since it was no ordinary date and that I live 3,000 miles away it was necessary to do it...if we lived in the same city and I wasn't flying into see her then yes...it would be improper to lay it on the line...but given the circumstances she saw nothing wrong with opening up....

So...I took a day to think about it...and on Friday this is the VM message I left ..I actually wanted to talk to her so I could get an immediate reaction..and not have to leave a message but I also didn't want to wait till I could get a hold of her to tell her...so if I got VM I would just roll with it the best I could....this is what I said....

"I just wanted to say Hi and see how you were doing with your knee and to let to you know again how much I enjoyed seeing you...honestly I haven't been able to stop thinking of you....I thought you were amazing...well maybe better words would be divinely intoxicating...I'm a passionate person and I just wanted to let you know how I felt...and I don't want to have to wait another 3 months to see you...I don't want to let the distance stop us from getting together again...give me a call and let me know what you're thinking.."

...So I put myself out there...dropped some big matzo balls...and now I have to wait...it's been a full 24 hours and I've yet to hear back from her...no text...no call....which like another friend pointed out has been the norm with her in our previous communications...sometimes she gets right back to me...other times it's days...but with such a powerful message you would think she would have reacted one way or another right away...I can only hope she's taking time to think about how she wants to respond....Tom Petty is right....the waiting is absolutely the hardest part...

First dates

2008-09-23T01:36:00.001-07:00

They generally suck.....both people are a little uncomfortable..nervous...you never know what to say or what you should say...how much you should touch...it's all a "big bowl" (to steal from Jeff Garlin) of awkwardness...especially when you already had some great drunken touchy feely chemistry on the night you first met...how do you start back up?....pickup where you left off?

I didn't have to wait long to find out about my lady in white (READ THE PREVIOUS ENTRY)...she did a pre-emptive text to me two days after we met...I was planning a mid-week text...4 days min....standard....not even sure the reaction I would get...and this 4-day waiting period is so stupid but it's just become like a no-fault safezone that can't possibly screw anything up....but ladies...if a guy calls you anytime within a week it means he likes you...and if he waits 6 days it doesn't mean he likes you any less than the guy who texts you the next day or 2 days later.....he may even like you more.....I know it sounds ridiculous but the more a guy likes a girl the longer he forces himself to wait...and yes it's exactly like in Swingers because we're afraid of scaring off a beautiful baby......a common mistake by guys is not falling for a chick too fast but telling her too fast we've fallen for her....chicks get weirded out about this shit...they say "You don't even know me, how can you like me so much?"...believe it...it's happened to me....and the short of it is....we don't need a lot to get our emotions going....contrary to what you women tend to think...most of us are very emotional and passionate...look how we are about sports, music....PLASMAS.....we're not afraid of showing emotion...we're afraid of showing it to you because we're unsure how you're going to react.....we're very aware that women can have a change of heart at the drop of a hat....that's why we're always so frantic trying to get that damn rubber open and on....cause those few seconds it takes can seem like a fucking eternity...long enough for her to change her mind.....so anything we do has the potential to be a deal breaker.....I can't stress "anything" strong enough.....it's often a thing we have no idea about either....women are wired so sensitively that we can do something wrong and not even know it...all of a sudden we're asking you, "What'd I do?"....

OK..so she surprised the hell out of me with the text.....as well as the perfect simpleness of it, "Hi"...I couldn't have had a bigger smile on my face when I saw it....see...I've always said sometimes it's the simplest things in life that give the greatest pleasures....I am like an enigma because I'm not easily happy but I can be happy rather easily.....it makes no sense...but anyway.....so..now that it was on..I had to come back with something...I am a writer, right?

...after consulting with my favorite not yet married but act like it couple about what to respond with...the text by committee came up with...although I should note I was the one to come up with it but they were both thinking I should say exactly that...how crazy is that?...so what did I say?...well if you read the previous entry you'd know she mentioned "...business first then we'll see about the pleasure..." or something to that effect...oK...so I texted back, "Is this a business or pleasure hi?"...she had to laugh at that cause she came back with something equally clever and playful..."A friendly business hi"...

So now what?...I suggested lunch two days later...and never heard back....great...now that was strange...was she not ready for lunch?...did she just want to talk some?...maybe she really was just into business....I still had no idea what she did....well...I eventually found out why she never responded...she never got it....it was stuck in my outbox folder from hell...I always thought that stuff automatically re-sent when a signal appeared....and how did I find out?...well just before I was about to text her again...the next day...she hit me with another pre-emptive one...now that was just crazy strange...it said, "Plans tonight?".......I could go with a Kramer "giddy-up" or a Glenn (from Family Guy) "giggetty giggetty goo"......silly...yes...nevertheless either one still works...

After some insignificant back and forths she suggested cocktails or a movie and to call her...I did and I suggested we do both and not just one. She was down and then we talked movie. She of course wanted to see some sappy Dane Cook romantic comedy which was a no go for me..I mean I guess I could have seen it but she seemed OK to go with something else...we saw Righteous Kill..it was kinda' intense and had its moments...the movie was irrelevant to the date...

We met at a dark semi-trendy bar around the corner from the theatre..we sat in a booth type table and hung for like an hour before walking over to the theatre...we had bourbon on the rocks at her suggestion....I said we should toast to something and she went first and I think she toasted to "new friends and fun" or something like that....and I toasted to "mixing business and pleasure"...an inside joke if you read the previous entry.....among the several things we talked about was her ex-boyfriend, do all men cheat? and have I ever cheated?...so you can see what's on her mind....despite it...we seemed to have a few pleasant moments...oh yeah she also told me how the white dress she wore the night we met wasn't even hers.....cause she never dresses like that and she's actually kinda' conservative....and that she borrowed it from a friend to feel sexy now that she's back single again....which is interesting on several levels....

First of all...women seem to dress up not for us but for themselves...they lack so much confidence that merely what they wear will make them feel more sexy and thus more confident...yes they're looking for attention from guys but that's only to make themselves feel better about themselves...it's not to turn us on...there are exceptions of course...a woman who is unselfish and takes pleasure in pleasing her man will dress up for him...I think it showed a lot how my girl thinks but in her defense she did just leave a significant relationship where she was cheated on...on the flip side...why did she stick around at all with someone like that?...there can only be two logical reasons...one...he's got money...two...she likes fucking him....this is where the lack of confidence comes in because without any she thinks she can't possibly find someone who can either A, fuck her as well or B, how will she able to survive without his flow?....she even tried to justify his love to me by explaining he did love her that's why he didn't want to tell her about cheating on her because he knew how much it would hurt her....yes...she actually said that to me...I told her...if he really cared that much about you he never would have cheated on you in the first place....it's that simple...

I also know you're probably thinking "Fuck this bitch"....well...the reason I didn't at this point was because despite her messed up thinking she was sweet and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt...plus I was still attracted to her now that I've had the second look...you never know with that first intoxicated encounter....at any rate...we walked over to the movie where she ended up getting some text right before we went inside that kinda' freaked her out..so I gave her some space to text back....the whole phone thing is another turn off...when you're on a first date...2nd date...anything early you should not be texting and taking calls...it's just a lack of respect..right?...I don't think it's too much to ask...but she obviously has a lot on her mind..it may have even been the boyfriend...I tried to take the thing from her in the movie but she wouldn't give it up...so whatever....

Afterwards, I walked her back to her car...had the awkward end of the date conversation...it was about waking up in the AM...and how early she gets up and how I like to sleep in...she brought up the ex again..so there would be no kiss...I wasn't feelin it and I'm pretty sure she had no interest...I went ahead and asked her if she still felt like maybe doin' lunch tomorrow and she said she did to call her when I got up...I figured I go for the back to back dates just to see what was up cause this wasn't something I felt like draggin out...along...but really...I had no idea if she was into going or not.....

As far as first date grade I'm gonna give it a C+...if the phone thing never happened it would have been a solid B but I gotta deduct points for the texting....but no matter what the grade it was definitely a letdown from the night we met...what women don't realize is when you have the kinda chemistry we had that first night it's almost impossible to duplicate on any next date...the right thing to do would have been to go home with each other that first night, fuck the shit out of each other...then we'd talk later about how messed up she still is with the ex-boyfriend and then I'd tell her I'd love to see her again but she's got to get past him first...when that happens...call me...and then we would have at least one incredible night together rather than going through a series of early dating bullshit....but most women aren't wired like that...especially this one...so...it didn't happen and now I'm sort of stuck in dating purgatory....I have no clue.

"The Lady in Red..."

2008-09-20T23:09:00.000-07:00

Well...actually she was a lady in white...but the point's the same...she took my breath away..and that's rare...for me....there's no shortage of pretty women in LA so it's easy to find someone who'll make your head spin, but to meet someone who actually takes your breath away...that's something special...

I was on my way to hang with a buddy who works the door at this bar in a very trendy area of LA...across the street, I noticed two fine black women walking along the sidewalk..."Damn!" I thought...which was really the only appropriate reaction....I watched them for a few seconds before they both freaked out about something along their way...I mean freaked the fuck out...like some crazy voodoo kinda' freak out....a giant spider?...snake?...I don't know...what I did know was that I had to cross that street and find out...even if it meant jaywalking...yeah I know....BFD...so what?..well here in LA, jaywalking can get you arrested and thrown in jail...believe it....it happened to someone I know...but these chicks were worth the risk...

So when I got over there...I was immediately smitten with the one in white...the two appeared to be sisters and they did in fact see a giant size bug that caused the funky freak out...after some quick small talk I found out they had just left a club down the street so I said..."What? Not enough white guys there for you?"....now..the line naturally can go over a couple of different ways...I said it because, one, well..I'm quick and funny and two, I had to feel them out to see if they were down with white guys...granted, most black chicks are into me once they get to talkin' to me...but you never know.....anyway, the one in white reacted immediately, "That's kind of a racist thing to say."...I'm not sure "racist" is quite the right word but she was clearly trying to act annoyed...I wasn't buying it...

I walked along with them because they were headed to the Club next door to my bar..not that I wouldn't have walked in the opposite direction...it just so happened....but I pretty much let them walk away once I hit my spot..my buddy was outside at the time and he saw them walk by and tried to get them to stop, but of course they brushed right on by...he didn't realize that I had just walked all the way down the sidewalk with them...he told me this was their second trip past of the night...earlier, they had some paparazzi chasing them...he thought they were Reverend Run's girls....I had no idea who that was...I mean..I know Reverend Run of course...but I had no idea he had a reality show on MTV with two fine ass daughters...he really thought it was them...but...either way...I didn't give a shit....that kinda' stuff doesn't matter to me...only two things do...well three...do you take my breath away?...are you cool?...and are you into me?....everything else is bullshit....what you do...what you drive....where you're from (as long as it's not Indiana..can't get into that story...sorry)..I don't care...I mean I care...but not care in the sense it's a deal breaker...you got to give guys credit on this one....a garbage woman could turn us on....women should be less sensitive to all this non-essential bullshit and more concerned with how a man treats you, respects you and loves you...OK...enough pulpit preaching from Reverand..errr...Rabbi Steve...

I thought about going to the club to try and catch back up with the girls...and taking a shot...but I knew I probably would have had a hard time getting in....yeah..it was one of "those" places.. but my buddy said he knew the manager so after hanging with him for awhile he texted the guy and he ended up coming down to get me and escort me in....Now that...was a shock....

As soon as I entered the club, I saw the girls partying at a table upfront with a bunch of people...not in any hurry, I went up the steps toward the bar and I could not believe the number of fine women at this place...it was ridiculous....now looking down onto the main floor area I noticed my white girl....my girl in white....heading toward the bathroom line alone...here was my shot....

I met up with her at the back and said Hi...apologized for maybe getting off on the wrong foot earlier...she gave me that smile..the kind of smile that we all want to get from women...the one that says..well...at least I thought it said...hey you're kinda' cute..but WTF do I know...I'm "the guy who knows nothing."...she really had "to go" and said she was gonna' try another bathroom..I guess back in the restaurant part of the place and that...wait for it....wait.....

"I'll catch back up with you."

I wanted to believe her...she seemed fairly sincere...but I was working under the influence and could not be counted on for any sense of judgement....but I knew she wasn't actually leaving the club...so one way or another I'd run into her again....

I went to get a drink at the bar and got a good vibe from a couple of drunk girls up there ordering...we flirted some...the place was a pussy palace tonight....but my mind was elsewhere....

After a few minutes I went for a lap...smelled some weed...saw some people smokin' the weed...and then ended up back at my girl's table where she was talkin' with some guys and munchin' on....of all things....cotton candy....yummeee....double yummeee....once again...like "Damn" from earlier...the only appropriate reaction here was "Yummeee."

This chick was the kinda' girl you want to run your tongue along from head to toe and taste every sugar sweet inch of her....and like the cotton candy...she's sure to melt in your mouth and not in your hands...I know that's what they say about M&M's...but really...have you ever handled M&M's on a hot humid day?...they fucking melt in your hands like every other kind of candy...but oh...not cotton candy...

So..sort of ignoring the fact she was in the midst of conversation with some dudes I just went up to her...put my arm on her lower back...and said, "So I guess you're gonna' make me come and find you."....and then she gave me the smile again....it was on...

The guys soon dispersed...maybe they were gay...cause they kinda' left us alone a 'lil too quickly...even her sister didn't try to intervene...another oddity...she let me have some of her cotton candy although I tried to snatch some with my mouth...she only let me get it with my fingers...well..that all just sounded kinda' dirty...I did comment about melting in my mouth...and she added, "but not in your hands."... LOL....she ended up telling me to take her number down...yes...she brought it up... so I put it in my phone..called her right then and she saved me in her blackberry...when I saw she listed me a "writer" under "professional" or whatever the contact listing said, I made a comment about mixing business and pleasure...and how we should just worry about the pleasure...she wanted to start with business and then see about the pleasure...whatever the hell that meant cause we never discussed any business we might do with each other...and I also know you're thinking..well..that means she's not interested in me in the pleasure kind of way....more time is needed to tell on that one...

So there's more...a good deal more.....

She told me just broke up with her boyfriend of a year and a half last week...cause he cheated on her...why do I always seem to meet women just in or out of relationships?...I know it'll be fucked trying to get with her now so I said to her "I guess I'll have to wait like 6 months to call you"...she tried to say it was over but I didn't get that sense...she then went into how he still loves her...and yadda yadda...I told her if he really loved her he wouldn't have cheated on her in the first place...she tried to say that all guys cheat and besides...after she found out about it, she then cheated on him...OK...here goes my mini-rant....this girl can pretty much get any guy she wants but seems willing to tolerate a guy that disrespects her because....well...she's insecure enough to need the attention from men regardless of how they treat her....she seems like an intelligent confident independent type woman who shouldn't and wouldn't put up with that kinda' shit...no woman should..but I'm guessing she likes the sex with him and that overrules all else...plus the thing about all men cheating was kinda' like her justifying his behavior and hers with all future men by claiming"it's just something I'm gonna' have to live with.." It's kinda' sad...but I just felt talkin' to her there was something worthwhile about continuing...despite her messed up thinking.

A club mix of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" came on and she got kinda' excited so I asked her if she was going to Journey next week and she said she was supposed to go with the boyfriend..I corrected her, "ex-boyfriend"...she laughed and then said now she wasn't sure what was going to happen...I told her to fuck that guy and go with me...so that's when she said to take her number and text her..and we'll do lunch and then see....we were pretty close at this point talkin' to each other and it got to the point where we could've kissed but I felt it wouldn't have been the right move at that time....if you're not totally feeling it you can't do it...

She then offered to refill my drink...from the bottles on her table which of course I accepted...straight goose on the rocks which seemed to surprise/excite her....one of the two....we toasted to something but I can't remember what...then we sat down on the couch next to her sister....she introduced me....and we kept talking...they asked me if I was going to write about them...and I said, "Of course I will. How could I not?"....I came real close to telling them about this site but that's a big Mazto ball to throw out there...and I didn't think I needed to take that kinda' gamble..no matter how potentially flattering it may end up being.....so I had my hand on her knee and my arm resting gently in between/alongside her legs...the softest, most amazing legs you'd ever want to feel on a woman....I even told her so they were so incredible...and she didn't seem to mind at all which I guess might be the most important part about it....her body was so perfect in every detail....I just wanted to hold onto her all night and wake up beside her sometime the next afternoon....I thought about telling her all the things I was going to do to her...but held back....I played it cool....yeah...that's what I did.....

When I rehashed this whole thing to my buddy from the bar he couldn't fucking believe it...how I ended up hanging out with her...getting her number and so on...I've gone eight strong innings of shut-out ball...now I gotta close...three outs to go....

Oh..and the Run thing...I didn't bring it up...just in case it was her...I didn't want her to think of me as anything but some random guy she just met who had no idea who she was...which was exactly who I was....but she did talk about an apartment she still had in NYC and she lived in Beverly Hills....and then the whole business thing with me being a writer...well...I guess she could be....but...it doesn't matter....at the same time I'm not going to lie...I never do....it would be hilarious if it was her and I ended up on the show...when I got home I looked 'em up on the Net...and I still don't think it was them....so the point is moot...I think...

The only thing I was kinda' bummed about was the way we she said goodbye...she really didn't...I mean she did and told me to text her....but she just got up with her sister and went to say goodbye to someone in front of us...she looked over at me and I finger waved her back over so I could leave her my card...she came back, took it, and that was that...there was no hug or tap on the cheek...which based on how everything went up to then I thought that was a gimme'...so in the end...I have no idea what's going to happen.....IF I ONLY KNEW.....right?

I wrote this the next day...a day where I woke up after only 6 hours of sleep fighting a hangover...but happy...luckily, I fell back asleep for 4 more hours with a smile on my face and a soft spot in my heart for my sensual seductress in white...regardless if I ever talk to or see her again...

P.S. If you're wondering how long it took me to write this post....over 2 hours....obviously, I'm not afraid to put the time in....but luckily, I had a LIVE Bruce concert from Philly in 1999 on E Street Radio to help keep me going... and one other thing that should be noted....I was slightly intoxicated during this encounter so some of how I recall the events and...women...may in fact be a little over the top...not untruthful...but...perhaps with a slightly modified eye and mind under the influence...I was in a pretty good mood having just come from a Billy Idol concert....and things did seem to work out rather well this night in my favor...so all of that contributes to a higher than average...appreciation...pleasure...maybe...I don't know....I'm just saying..I wasn't sober through any of this....

With that said...there's only one more appropriate thing left to say and that's to leave with the words from the song, The Lady in Red....to my lady in "white..."

I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright
I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance
They're looking for a little romance, given half a chance
I have never seen that dress you're wearing
Or the highlights in your head that catch your eyes
I have been blind
The lady in red is dancing with me cheek to cheek
There's nobody here,
it's just you and me,
It's where I wanna be
But I hardly know this beauty by my side
I'll never for get, the way you look tonight
I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright you were amazing
I've never seen so many people want to be there by your side
And when you turned to me and smiled, It took my breath away
I have never had such a feeling
Such a feeling of complete and utter love, as I do tonight
The way you look tonight I never will forget,
the way you look tonight
The lady in red
The lady in red
The lady in red My lady in red (I love you.)

"Love me tonight and I promise I'll love you forever.."

2008-08-28T12:42:00.000-07:00

That's a line from the classic Bruce Springsteen song, "Sandy" and it couldn't be more appropriate now as Bruce concludes his worldwide Magic Tour. The lyrics are personally relevant for a number of reasons....nothing delivers me more pure joy then the 3 hours spent at a Springsteen show. NOTHING. The Boss brings it better than anyone and if you've never seen him in concert than you have no idea what I'm talking about. To those who have...I'm preaching to the choir.

A friend and fellow Brucehead proclaimed, "This guy just rocks my world and lights up my life. If I could find a woman who did the same, I'd be the happiest guy in the world."

That's life in a nutshell. While the feeling you get during an E Street Band performance fuels your soul with an energy and spirit unmatched by any other natural high.....it also makes you wonder if there's a woman out there who is equally capable of helping you reach such heights....Bruce sings a lot about looking for and finding love...there's a hope and optimism in his voice...it's not desperate...it's just an honest desire for romance...songs like Sandy, Rosalita, Dancing in the Dark, Fire, Out in the Street and Born to Run....they all share a come with me and let's rock this world together attitude.....

"Love me tonight and I promise I'll love you forever..."

I've been on a serious Bruce high for over a month now...having seen him 5 times across the country during that stretch...after one of them in which I took a couple of good friends to their first Bruce show...they, of course, were blown away...later, we ended up at a strip club...I know..not the most romantic of places...but one guy...just back from a tour in Iraq needed to see some women...but really...we all wanted to see some women...for the reasons I've mentioned above...it wasn't the first time I had gone to a strip club after a Bruce show...it's that immediate gratification you crave after being on such a high from the hair raising performance...I need to ask women who love Bruce if they have a similar feeling after a show....like...they want...they need to be with someone and share their exploding inner joy....

Still riding high the next night, the three of us headed back out to another bar...not a strip club....where I met an amazing 21-yr old....it's been awhile since someone of that age has responded so positively to me.....yeah she was our waitress...OK....that just made it easier to hit on her some...without any real expectations I gave her my card...I guess I still had that post concert glow that displayed a youthful exuberance cause she called me a few days later to try and get together...much to my delight and much to the surprise of my buddies....I owe it all to Bruce....while that might sound a bit like thanking Jesus....Bruce is my spiritual savior....

Less than a week later I was at another Bruce show with my Iraq buddy....and once again....afterwards we headed out in search of a connection....we were in and out of bars until we landed at this karaoke spot he had wanted to go to all night...guess we should have started there cause I ended up meeting my 2nd 20-yr old of the week...she was really sweet, cute...and into me...we made out some...then someone sang "When I think of you I touch myself..."..and it was on from there...but I had some convincing to do in order to get her to agree to stay the night with me....No...I did not pull out the "Sandy" line...but if I did...I'm sure it would have worked...instead I just kept telling her how much I wanted her to stay...and then I looked into her eyes and told her "I need you"......oh brother.....I know..but that was it...she responded with "OK"...she actually sent her friend home in a cab at that point...and then proceeded to tell me how crazy this was...but all I could think was how crazy awesome it was...that right there shows how different girls and guys are.....her thinking was, "I can't believe I'm doing this." and my thinking was "I can't believe I'm doing this!"....

She ended up spending the whole night with me....and I'll never forget the look she'd give me when she was on top of me...like she wasn't looking at me...but through me....I told her how I could feel how she was looking at me...and that I liked it....and she acknowledged that's exactly what she was doing...of course she was looking at me like that.....my soul was still glowing from the show.....at this point I really wanted to tell her the "Sandy" line, but I knew if I did she was going to melt right then and there and give in and would have no choice but to have sex with me...something we did not end up doing because she just was not prepared to go there...and I had to respect that...so we just kissed...a lot....and held each other...a lot...and got close....a lot...

In the end...she kept thinking if she did have sex with me then I might never call her because I got what I wanted...but if she didn't have sex with me then I would have something to call her about...but really...I'm more likely to call knowing I'm gonna' have sex with her AGAIN...then hoping to have sex with her for the first time...so, ultimately, I never promised I'd love her forever...but I did still promise to call.......like Bruce...I want to be optimistic....

Power

2008-08-10T20:45:00.000-07:00

I've had this debate many times with friends about who ultimately has more power...men?...or women?....I stand by women....and so do some prominent other intelligent men...

“It’s not money, it’s not politics - it’s who controls the pussy that controls the world.”
Larry Flynt
Publisher

The starting point for defining the behavior of men and women is all about power. Who has more? Men or Women? The answer depends a lot on who you ask and what they think power means. Power is everything. If you have the power, you have control, in any situation. Money, political clout and authority are the most common tools used to wield or display power, but certainly not the most influential or effective. I have this conversation many times over with a number of friends and when I ask them about power, more often than not, they bring up the fore mentioned tools. The reality is sex is the ultimate power.

How else can you explain how a young, mostly unattractive, overweight Intern virtually brought down the “most powerful man in the world” over a simple blowjob? In fact, you could argue that one man’s salacious desire for some head changed the course of American history forever.

So a better question maybe to ask, who controls sex?

Most men will adamantly tell you they’re in charge. Maybe once engaged in sex, a man will dominate and demonstrate his power, but to begin with, legally anyway, a woman must give consent, otherwise its called rape. Man wants what only the woman can give. A woman can have sex any time she wants to. All she has to do is ask. But a man…well, for us, sex isn’t quite available on demand like Entourage reruns. Well, I guess if you’re willing to pay for it is…but even then, who really holds the power? The one who holds the money or the pussy? Next time you’re with a hooker…or in a strip club, ask the girl who she thinks has the power.

A beautiful woman can stroll past a man on the street and bring him to his knees. I don’t hear woman honking their horns as they drive by a crowded corner of handsome men. Women will argue they’re much less crass and animalistic than men to do something as abhorring as honk a horn. “What’s the big deal?” they’ll ask. That’s what they say to us when we do such a thing. One woman I know once remarked, ‘What do you think? She’s going to come right over and fuck you?” Well…no…we don’t think that would ever happen, but we do hope it might. And that’s the difference between us. An attractive woman is a big deal…a much bigger deal than any woman will ever understand or care to imagine.

The big deal contributes to our lack of control over sex. We can’t help ourselves. Women make men weak. More often than not, we’ll do anything for sex. Romance, food shopping, fancy cars, trips to Bed Bath and Beyond on a Sunday (as in Sunday…the day of Football) and spending money….yes….believe it or not…we spend money to impress you in the hopes you will have sex with us. Virtually every activity we do is built around the possibility of sex. Careers are built around getting girls. Musicians like Billy Joel, Jimmy Buffett and Tommy Lee have all admitted they first became musicians because thy thought it would help them get girls. Doctors, Athletes, Lawyers …the ladies are all impressed. It’s sad. It’s pathetic. It’s also out of our control.

Who thinks they have the power?

However, the psychology behind the power play appears to be much different. Men think they have the power, while most women can’t believe they actually hold the keys to the power drill….strippers and hookers aside…who you could argue are the ultimate power players. If the rest of the women ever fully realize their potential, we’re doomed as the ones in charge. Speaking of which, Scott Baio, formerly of the hit show Charles in Charge and that lesser known one, Happy Days, who’s since bragged about going through one year sleeping with every Playmate on the calendar…He didn’t just go for the cycle. He went for the lunar cycle…twelve for twelve….is a believer in the women have all the power theory. In fact, he’s adamant about it. Don’t believe me? Look it up in a past Playboy. I swear. I read the article.

The Idolatry of Solomon

So there was this King and his name was Solomon…King Solomon….you’ve heard of him. Worshipped by many, he had all kinds of power, and was …idolized if you will. And someone made this painting of him appropriately called the “Idolatry of Solomon” that became famous. I saw it at the Getty Museum in Los Angeles. It’s a highly respected piece of art. While the painting reflects Solomon’s great power it also displays his penchant and dare I say…weakness…for…you guessed it…women. His advisers clearly seem to be suggesting the King steer clear of these particular women. But the King didn’t listen. When it comes to women, men won’t listen to anyone but themselves. On the other hand, women tend to be all too eager to heed the advice and thoughts of others when it comes to men…but I’ll save that discussion for another chapter. For a man, it doesn’t matter how powerful a figure he’s appear to be, once a woman takes a hold of his heart, he’s silly-puddy in her hands.*

*This thought is only based upon my observations, not my experience. I’ve never felt like I was puddy in anybody’s hands. Of course, that’s what all guys would say about themselves. There’s actually a specific term for “silly-puddy in her hands.” It’s called being pussy-wipped. And what guy wants to admit he is pussy-wipped? Answer: None. Quick, what’s the female equivalent for pussy wipped?.......tick-tock….tick-tock…can’t think of one? That’s because there is none. Women have all the power. I rest my case.

Power…it’s a losing battle.

I wish I could take credit for the following quote, but sadly I cannot. It’s pure genius and comes from a friend of mine. When prompted for his thoughts on the power subject, he did not hesitate. It’s like he had his statement well prepared in advance if ever someone should ask him such a question.

“Women are the employer and men are the employee. A date is like a job interview and the woman is the one who decides whether to hire you or fire you. And just like a job interview, you have no idea what they’re thinking on the other side of the table. You think you have some idea what they’re looking for in an applicant, but really you have no idea.”

When it comes to jobs and women I’ve been on a lot of interviews…some interviews were for positions that most people would be thrilled that they were even considered…I’ll never forget one position I was up for…for a job…when I asked why I didn’t get it, I was told, “When you left the room, there wasn’t exactly a standing ovation.” Ouch. Sometimes you can walk away thinking you nailed it….be it an interview or an incredible date…and then…nothing...and the hardest part is you have no idea why. The why eats away at us like termites invading a house. Only time and toxins can stop the devastation.....for all intensive purposes....we are powerless.

My "A" Game

2008-08-05T17:50:00.000-07:00

For whatever reason that I'm unable to explain...well...that goes without saying, right?.... in some sort of crazy cosmic mystery I've had a disproportionate amount of relationships with girls whose names begin with the letter "A". Four in particular: Alison, Angela, Amber and Ana have left an indelible mark on my heart...yes..there's more "A's" than just those 4.....2 or 3 more I think...but..those are the 4 who've mattered most....

Notre Dame had its four horseman....I have my 4 Aphrodite's...Without going into detail as to any of the four...each deserve their individual blogs at a later time....I will say I only had sex with one of the four...slept with two....but could have laid all four....but, don't be mistaken...I had a tremendous affection for all four....ultimately it was never about the sex.....

Which brings me to my point of this particular entry....What if the one girl that was right for you passed you by?...I mean...sure I can say that none of them were the "ones" because it didn't work out with any of them...but...what if it the timing wasn't right?...or what if I did something to screw it up...likely...or what if they didn't realize how much I actually did like them?...here's another sure bet....at some point...all four liked me...that is without question....

Even though it's been years since I've had anything to do with any of the four...it's amazing how I still measure others I meet today against them....no one's come close to touching me like those did...and I wonder if I'll ever meet someone that makes my heart skip like they did...I was never serious with any of them...and barely dated two...although I did know each of them for a considerable amount of time....yet...still...I know it could have been more...it should have been more....

When you're as single as long as I've been...you do wonder where is the one who will move you most....will you ever meet her?...and worse....have you already met her?

So what do I do?.....I just keep my eyes open...never too quick to dismiss anyone...I never take for granted who I meet....because I never know....her name just might begin with the letter "A."

Classic Rehash: Chasing the Chocolate Love Bunny

2008-07-17T23:47:00.000-07:00

This classic rehash is from nearly 10 years ago....but...remarkably...still quite relevant. Enjoy.

It was now Sunday night and I was trying to find the necessary energy to be able to rally and go out for a fourth consecutive night. Three nights in a row is normally my limit, but this was a special occasion. I was in Atlanta for a friend’s wedding over Labor Day weekend. The partying started Thursday night with the bachelor party and continued through the wedding on Saturday night. My buddy, who came into town with me for the wedding, was done. Despite his intensive military training (he’s an Army Ranger), he was cooked. Three strikes and he was out. My other friend, whom we were staying with, has never been able to sustain any long stretches of debaturay. He even skipped the bachelor party. In fact, this guy starts losing it after 2am. No way was he going out on a Sunday night, even though the next day was Labor Day, and he was off from work. Believe it or not, some of my friends actually have real jobs.

That left with me Nando. And let me say for the record, I was more than happy to go out with just him. If this guy didn’t live with a pseudo wife and have a kid, we’d be real tight. Nando is the perfect guy to go out with because he loves to play the game. It’s not that he cheats or anything like that, but, as a wingman, he’s the best. Now that he’s tied down, I think he gets just as much pleasure out of watching the game. You know, kind of living vicariously through us single peeps. He’ll talk to anyone and say anything. He’s also a very cool cat and never seems to get rattled. And he’s black. Political correctness aside, he’s one of those black guys that can swing both ways. Meaning, he can hang with the brothers, but also dip with us crackers. He’s kind of like smooth white chocolate. Anyway, Nando was critically important to the evening that lay ahead.

We were headed to Otto’s, an ethnically diverse upscale club in Buckhead. Sunday night was the night at this place. Nando had been there one or two times before so he knew what to expect. It’s the kind of club that I love. The crowd is mixed. The music is Hip Hop and R&B. There’s multiple rooms and levels split between lounge and dance areas. And there are lots of beautiful babies. We had one other thing going for us too. Nando had somehow become friends with one of the Atlanta Falcons and we were meeting him at the club. This was not a bad thing.

Before going forward, you should know, I have a weakness for brown sugar. I love fine black women. I don’t know if it’s the attitude, the taboo or the exotic aspect, but the attraction is there. My friend and I kid each other all the time about who’s going to sleep with a black woman first. It’s kind of silly and a bit immature, but all I know is he’s sitting at home tonight and I’m not. And he’ll be pissed if I do score some chocolate candy tonight.

Anyway, I pull up to the club in a cab and it’s a mob scene outside. Nando is already inside, but had left my name at the door. The line is all the way down the block. And the cover is like $20. There’s no way I’m waiting in this thing. So, I walk right up to the front and tell the door guy that I’m supposed to meet this Falcon player inside. And he should have left my name. The guy is like, “Anybody else with you, or just you.” I tell him calmly, “Just me man.” And boom. He parts the velvet rope and lets me in.

It was about 11:30 and the place was slammed. Lots of nice stuff. Also, very black. From what I had been told, I was expecting a 50/50 black/white split, but from the looks of it so far, it was more like 80/20. Of course, I notice a few glances my way as I head to the front bar for my first beverage. Actually, I drank some before I left, so it wasn’t really my first of the night.
After about 15 minutes of checking the place out, I run into Nando in the back bar. He’s got a half-finished drink in one hand and a cigar in the other. And a big smile. He tells me, he left our boy upstairs to come down and find me. I didn’t even know there was an upstairs. The layout of the club is very cool. Downstairs is more the laid-back lounge style. There’s like three separate areas down here, with lots of couches and a couple of different bars and there’s a small dance area too. The downstairs is like a pre-party room filled with couples and those who can’t get upstairs. The action is upstairs. So, ebony and ivory head over to the stairs, and of course, there’s a line and a bouncer. You know you’re at a trendy place when there’s velvet ropes and lines inside. Some people don’t like putting up with this kind of bullshit, but it doesn’t bother me. I just kind of laugh at the whole thing. However, we do have a potential problem. How the hell are we going to get up there now I wonder? The line is more like a free-for-all shoulder to shoulder NY subway ride at rush hour. We try to tell the bouncer who we’re with….you know the Falcons player…and he’s like, “So what.” He says something like: “Do you know who is else is here? Everybody’s here man. I got players, musicians, actors, models….who isn’t here?!”

Standing against me happens to be a particularly sweet Vanessa Williams esque female. Apparently, unlike most clubs, this place does not discriminate when it comes to women and this cutey is having just as hard a time trying to squeeze her way up the stairs as we are. She’s got the most beautiful eyes and I smile at her. She smiles back. We start some small talk. I ask her if this place is always this crazy and she says she doesn’t know, this is her first time here. Rather than bullshit her, I decide to play the honesty thing and tell her the same. About now is when Nando nudged me to tell me how sweet this girl was. As I turn to him, I see my Nubian princess being led up the stairs by her friends. I catch her in time to say bye and that I’ll see upstairs. And she waves and smiles, but there was something different about her goodbye. It wasn’t the typical see ya later, I’ll never see you again bye. It was an unexpected, optimistic looking, hopefully, I do see you later bye. I turned to Nando to confirm and before I could say anything, he goes, “Dude, I think she liked you.”

“Where the hell is our boy?! We need to get upstairs!” I say out loud to nobody.

A couple of minutes later, our black knight appears at the top of the stairs. He spots Nando and yells to him, “What the hell are you doing down there?” He walks down to the bouncer and points us out and just like that, we’re in…or up that is. Cha-ching. The upstairs is going off. It’s like a brown sugar Disneyland. The Falcon dude is cool as shit. Like Nando, he’s got a cigar and half-a-drink. The three of us hangin’ together is kind of funny to see. He’s like 6’3, 230…big and black. Nando is like 5’6, 140…little and black. And I’m 5’9, 150…little and white. It was a scene. I offer to buy everyone a round. After all, that’s the right thing to do. I’m here because of them. Of course, they both like that idea. I quickly find how upscale this place is when the round is like $25. Some brother next to me orders a bottle of champagne, calmly hands over a c-note and just as calmly says, “Keep the change.” Everyone that’s in this place thinks they’re big time. And they’re not afraid to let you know it either. Thinking that my whiteness might actually work to my advantage, I roll around with Nando with a bright confidence no money can buy. We hit some small talk here and there, but nothing really evolves. A couple of drinks later and I’m ready for one of Nando’s patented cigars. Although we’re getting drunk, smoking, and having a good time, I am not unaware of the reality setting in. This may have once been an equal opportunity club, but times have changed. The black women here want black men. And the 5-10 percent of the white women here, they also desire brothers. Nando agrees. I wish I could find that girl from the stairs.

We’re now in one of the upstairs back rooms. It’s a little more low-key here with a back-bar and some couches and sofa chairs scattered around. I’ve carelessly let my cigar fizzle out so I ask Nando for a light. And then I notice a cute little blonde with straight hair to mid-way down the back, casually smoking a cigarette on one of the couches. She appears to be sitting there by herself. And she’s white. I tell Nando to standby and that I’m going to ask her to light me up.

I normally can’t stand girls who smoke. I don’t like the smell or the attitude that usually comes with it. However, tonight, I’m feeling a little indifferent. Probably because I’ve chosen to smoke a stogie myself might have something to do with it, but I’m also in the middle of a pretty decent weekend. And, although I haven’t got laid yet, I have managed a public make-out each of the last 2 nights. I guess I’m willing to put up with the smoke for now.

She notices me coming over. Then, as a smoker does, promptly takes one of those I’m all that last second puffs, before allowing a smile to break across her face. I lean over with my flamed out cigar and politely ask her if she would re-light me up. She teases me about letting it go out. I reply with some quick sarcasm about not being man enough to smoke it all at once. I guess she found my silly remark kind of funny because she laughed and pulled out some matches. Without hesitating, I ask her if she minds if I sit down with her. She says no and slides over to make room. Her name is Julie and she is smokin’. She’s wearing those black fuck-me pants and a matching, sleeveless, tight little black top. Nice rack. I’m as cool as could be, puffin away on the cigar, casually checking her up and down.

Suddenly, I remember a conversation I had with two women a while back in a bar. They tried to tell me they would never date a guy they met in a bar. They said, “Look at everybody here, it’s a meat market. When you meet a guy here, he’s only interested in one thing.” Now you know, I had to put them on trial. In my best lawyer-like naiveté, I baited them with “So, who, do you date?” They answered, “Ohh…guys we meet through work or through friends.” They were in trouble. I continue with my sarcastic innocence, “So, these guys from work, they don’t go to bars?” They tried to reason with me that somehow these guys they knew from work and through friends were somehow different from the guys standing and scamming all around me in this bar. By the way, I took myself out of the equation right from the beginning by telling them I had no interest in sleeping with either one of them. And what kind of reaction did I get from that comment? “Gee, thanks a lot.” So, if I told them I was interested in having sex with them, they would? These women had not yet evolved and accepted one of the most innate facts of men: Ultimately, we think and act the same no matter where we are or what situation we’re in. Most women do their best efforts to romanticize and idealize us, based upon false truths and contrived perceptions, in order to justify their personal needs and fantasies. The fact remains, we all just want to get laid.

Julie and I seem to hit it off right away, trippin’ on all the wanna-be players struttin’ by. She tells me she’s been here before, back when there were a few more white people. “Not only that,” I tell her, “But the few whites that are here all got jungle fever.” Of course, I don’t mention the fact, that I am one of those people. I tell her I was beginning to think there was nobody here interested in white dudes. She laughs and puts her hand on my leg. She wants to do some tequila shots. There are lots of things I’ll do for women, unfortunately, tequila is not one of them. Just the smell makes me want to vomit. I tell her, “You’re on your own…surprise me with something else.” And she’s like, “OK, don’t move, I’ll be right back.” So she gets up and heads for the bar while I sit back to take a few more puffs and watch that hot little ass walk away. Nando comes over and he’s all excited, like a little school-girl at recess. I’m like, “Dude, did you see any of that?!” And he says, “Yeah man, I was standing right over there watching the whole fucking thing. I’m saying to myself, man, Steve is one lucky motherfucker. Look at that girl laughing at all his stupid shit, rubbin’ all close up against him. She is cool as shit man.” He goes on to say, “Man, I can’t take it anymore watching this shit. I’m gonna’ try and find (the Falcon).” He gives that patented Nando laugh and takes off. I love that guy.

Julie rolls back with a pair of shots, one drink and one extraordinary, sexy smile. Tequila for her, and for me, something that doesn’t smell too bad. We toast and down the hatch. Tequila, gone. I didn’t finish mine. It wasn’t that bad. Like I said I can’t stand tequila, but, I do greatly admire a girl that can suck it down with ease. She makes me finish. I like this girl. She’s got some real attitude. The drink is some Vodka based concoction that she wants to share. Yummy. That I can do. By now in the evening, I’ve had more than enough alcohol to want to rip this girl’s clothes off right there on the couch. I ask her what she does and she tells me she doesn’t want to say. Of course, I know what that means. “What are you, a garbage person?” I ask her just to kind of throw her off a bit. She’s amused, but not fooled. I can tell by that little smirk, the kind that all women do when they realize, you know, what they know. Guys don’t care what women do. They can be trash-collectors, lawyers, seamstresses in a sweat shop, whatever; as long as they’re hot and they like us, that’s good enough for us. We are a simple kind. I press her for an answer and she proclaims, “I’m in the entertainment field.” She says it like it might have an adverse affect on me. Why should I care? I tell her that’s cool, not wanting to act overly excited by jumping to any preliminary judgement. She won’t tell me where she works or anything else. She’s being very mysterious. Is she a stripper? An escort?, A bartender?, Maybe a promotions coordinator? I decide not to press it. I just hope this night doesn’t turn out to be too expensive.

Nando returns to tell me he’s taking off. This is good because now Julie knows I’m flying solo without me having to tell her. Although, I still haven’t told her I took a cab here and I don’t have a ride home. Obviously, I’m planning now to go with her, wherever she is going. Julie gets up and grabs my hand and tells me we have to try and find her friends. She leads me around the club, holding onto my hand the whole time. Her hands are soft and warm. She has good hands. We bump into some guy she knows and quickly introduces me. He notices we’re holding hands. I just give him the cool, “Nice to meet you man.” Julie asks him if he’s seen so and so (I can’t remember the names). He says they’re all meeting back at the car. So the three of us walk out together.

As soon as we get outside, a photographer comes rushing up to us. You know, one of those club photographers that will snap a polaroid for $5. Well, Julie wants one. I mean she’s begging for one. Except the picture was $10. Of course we take it and I come out looking like a drunken idiot. I hope she doesn’t still have it. We find the rest of her group, but the person that drove can’t find her keys, and now we have to wait for a locksmith because she thinks the valet might have locked them in the car. Great. Luckily, the guy friend we walked out with offers to drive just me and Julie. She’s cool with that, and so am I.

Before heading home, they want to stop at this after-hours bisexual place. I’ve actually been there before, with other girls, and I figured, as long as I was still with Julie, things would be OK. The group is now me, Julie, 3 guys and a girl. By the time we get to the new club, it’s around 4am. And, I’m still holding Julie’s hand. We order a few drinks, walk around. She starts recognizing people and saying hello and looking a little too comfortable in this place. But, I don’t care. There’s only one thing I’m thinking about now. We stay for about a half an hour before finally heading to Julie’s apartment. I’m riding in the back with Julie and I start playing with her hair and she’s got her leg wrapped inside mine.

The group decides they all want to stop at Steak and Shake for some chili. I start making a little more nice to Julie and the next thing I know she’s got her teeth clamped on my hand. I mean, she was biting me. It kind of came out of nowhere and I think she was trying to be a little sexually freaky because she did not appear angry. The group kind of just laughs it off, but my hand was hurting. And I had the teeth marks to prove it. At least there was no blood.

We get to the Steak and Shake and Julie wants me to join her in the bathroom. Normally, I would have jumped on this opportunity, but given the prior circumstances, I did not want to chance a random biting somewhere else. She tells me it will be worth it, but I just tell her that I can wait until we get back to her apartment. I know. That was probably a mistake. Somebody wants to make another stop at a convenience store to buy some chips or something. I actually like this idea ‘cause I need to get some condoms. I won’t have sex without them and I was hoping not to bring it up with Julie. You never know how she might react even though it seems like a sure thing at this point. A girl might be planning on having sex, but if a guy says the wrong thing or brings it up first, poof! It could all go away just like that.

Julie and another girl went into the store and I followed behind. But how was I to get to the counter and pay without her seeing? I kind of lagged behind. And as they finished paying, I walked up with the condoms in hand, closely guarded. I kind of looked at the cashier and he kind of looked at me like, all right dude; either like he didn’t know I was about to pay for something else or he knew what I was paying for and was letting me slide out undetected. Whatever the case, I slipped the 3-pack in my pocket and rolled out of the store, fully protected, back into the car.

We finally reach Julie’s apartment around 5am. And wouldn’t you know it? Everyone decides to come upstairs. So now, it’s like a party. Except, I’m tired, horny as hell and not in the mood to eat, any food that is. Julie whips out some sexy lingerie pictures of herself and a couple of cuties. She mentions something about her job, but I’m not sure. Everyone else in the room seems to know what’s going on except me. At this point, I feel a little neglected, almost ignored. They pop in a movie. I think it was Scent of a Woman. Who-ahh.

Anyway, I’m still trying to be cool. I try and say something to Julie. Maybe I should just go and give up. Call it a night. I don’t want to do it, but it doesn’t seem like these guys aren't leaving anytime soon. I probably should have asked to see Julie in her bedroom or just yelled out, “Can all of you please go the fuck home, so I can bang the fuck out of your little friend here.”

Instead, I said, “It’s late. I should probably get out of here. Can you call me a cab.” Julie asks if I was sure and I said, “Yeah.” I figured this was her chance to put up a fight for me if she really wanted me to stay. Once all her friends got involved in the night, it got kind of strange. It’s always better when it’s just you and her and nobody else to interfere, offer opinions or pull her away.

The sun is starting to come up when the cab finally shows up. To my pleasant surprise, as soon as I get up from the couch to leave, Julie pops up and says, “Hold on, I’ll walk you down.”
We were on the third floor, so it’s a long enough walk to have a little conversation with her alone. I tell her I kept hoping for her friends to leave so we could be alone. She tells me she had a really good time and the next thing I know is I’ve got her pinned against the wall and I’m making out with her. I tell her that I had wanted to spend the night with her. And then she really surprises me with, “Well, it’s not too late. I was about to go to bed.”

The cab is honking me to c’mon. I look up and see one of the guy friend’s looking down at us through the window. As much as I wanted to sleep with her all night, believe it or not, I felt like I was done. I was so tired. I told her I was still in town for another night and I would call her later that day. She gave me her pager number and I got in the cab and left. The night was over. The sun was now up.

Post-Hash

I called Julie the next afternoon and never heard back from her. I called her again when I got back to New York and she didn’t return that one either. I tried one more time a couple of weeks later and she returned that call. She apologized saying the second time I called she was at a concert and her pager only holds numbers for so many hours. She never offered a reason why she didn’t get back to me while I was still in Atlanta, but claimed to be happy I finally called again. We talked and agreed to see each other the next time I was in Atlanta. When I did finally return two or three months later, she never returned my calls. I think I ended up paging her about six or seven times one night, before my friend thought it might be wise to put an end to this nonsense and burn the number, which we then proceeded to do.

The Helping Hand continued

2008-07-16T13:20:00.000-07:00

Some new information recently came to light regarding two different posts...I mentioned a friend of mine who had a girlfriend of 2 years and how I hadn't even met her yet...he's incidentally the same one who matter of fact stated, "Dude, it's not my job to hook you up."....right....well...it seems as if his girl is friend's with the girl I randomly ran into at the bar...the one who I texted at the bar...read my "Fate Walks In" post for more....

What makes this particular story even more astonishing is that he knew I liked that chick years ago and knew all about that encounter and my soft pursuit of her....back then...sure he probably forgot about it...but when he tells me he saw her this past Halloween...and how good she looked...and that his girl "talks to her all the time"....well...that was a bit much for me....clearly...this guy isn't the friend he claims to be....and clearly...he's about as self-serving as they come...after all...what good will come of it...for him.?????....by saying something to this girl or to his girl.....I even suggested it might be kind of funny for him to tell his girl about my blog...not referencing me specifically or what his relationship is to me....just to see her reaction to the blog and to see if she ends up forwarding it to any of her girlfriends....but he wouldn't even go that far.....

A part of me thinks him...as well as others I know...don't want to make the extra effort because they don't feel I have enough to offer....besides of course, being a generally good guy with a good heart and.....fun....like that matters anymore...guess not enough....because I don't drive a fancy car or make a lot of money....or have an established career...or worse....still pursue meaningless sex.....oh the horror...."they" don't deem me as a good enough catch.....yet "they" wonder why I complain......hmmm.....I wonder why....

Back to the married friend's wife who is the one person who will set me up....I've concluded part of the reason is because she's Jewish...that's what real Jewish mothers do...they make "shit-ahhchs"...I know I misspelled the Yiddish.....in English....they match make....but it's more than that with her...one...she actually likes me and respects me.....that helps....but two.....she gets me....she knows what I'm about.....and what I go through.....she's also secure enough with herself and in her relationship with her husband (my friend) to not give a shit what "happens" between me and whoever she introduces me to....she even tried to set me up once with someone she never met...but knew her Aunt and was getting harassed by the Aunt to help find someone for her niece....believe me..."harass" is the right word...you have to be Jewish to understand.....naturally I had to see a picture of said niece first and when she turned out to be on a 'lil on the chunky side....my friend couldn't believe it...not my reaction...she agreed with me...she couldn't believe what a fuss the Aunt was making over her niece despite her being more than a 'lil overweight...especially when she's trying to get athletic thin Jewish guys interested....my friend wanted to say something to the Aunt like tell your niece to lose some weight first....and then we'll talk.....now that...is a cool chick....

Basically...I've had a nearly exact opposite kind of conversation with another married friend's wife...now...keep in mind...she's not Jewish...and I'm not going to sit here and judge her relationship with my friend....but certainly...she doesn't "get me" the way this other one does....well maybe she does get me....she just doesn't respect me....and of course is very concerned about herself...here's the scenario...

I was in town visiting them and somehow their baby sitter came up...relax...she's in grad school...as in over 21.....and I said let me see picture...and she showed me an on-line profile...and yadda yadda...she's a nurse...her mother hates her current/former boyfriend....and she's Jewish....guess what?....the boyfriend wasn't....I tell her how Jewish Mothers all love me and that certainly won't be a problem....but then she objected to our age difference....granted...our age difference is a factor...but not for me...I'm just as comfortable being with someone 15 years younger as I am 15 years older...I relate well to all ages and all kinds of people...I think that makes me more admirable....not less...I said, "Well...that should be something for your baby-sitter friend to decide...not you..."...now...this whole discussion was very hypothetical....because I did not live in town...and nothing serious was ever going to happen here...it was more like a what if I did live here discussion......

The "baby-sitter" factor played a big role because she proclaimed, "Steve!...She's my baby-sitter. She watches my babies! They love her"....as if to say...I can't have you deflowering my kid's baby-sitter...it'd be much better for her to have some random dooshbag college guy over while she takes care of the kids than someone she actually knows....in other words, if things went bad with me and her then she'd be out of a baby sitter...I don't see how that could happen.....the other factor was that my friend's wife worked with the baby-sitter's mother....and if things went bad she'd get blamed by the mother...making it impossible to work with her.....that's when I reminded her about all Jewish Mothers loving me so that wasn't going to be a problem..but with her not being a Jewish Mother..she couldn't quite grasp the concept....

So basically...it became about me potentially fucking up her life by going out with this girl....I never thought of myself as having the ability or more impressively...the power to fuck any one's life up...so I guess..in some weird way...maybe it's a compliment that she feels so strongly about me...it is interesting to me how she immediately went to the negative side of things...instead of thinking positively....like OMG...these two could actually hit it off...fall in love...and live happily ever after...and they'll have me to thank for it.....no...she couldn't go there....why?....cause she's not Jewish....of course.....the irony being...I myself prefer a non-Jewish girl.....fascinating, huh?....I am an enigma.....

"Help....I need somebody"

2008-07-11T11:47:00.000-07:00

I put the title in quotes just so some of you would not think I was giving myself credit for that mighty 4-word masterpiece....save it for Sir Paul McCartney....

To be clear...I'm not asking for help...and I don't need anybody....but if you're willing to lend a hand..I'm not going to dismiss it...and yeah I want somebody...need is a bit much...so what the hell am I rambling about?.....being set up.....by friends...or should I say, "friends"....

I've had this discussion many times with most of all my so called "friends"...my feeling is if I'm in a relationship or I have access to a cathedral full of women..I'm going to do what I can to help a friend in.......want.....after all, I'm a generous heart...and about as far from selfish as you can be...I want my friends to be happy and if getting them laid makes them happy....as "if" there is a question that would make them happy...ok..some might need the relationship thing to truly make them happy.....you know...the ones complaining about all the meaningless sex they keep engaging in.....regardless.....I'll do what I can to record the assist....I don't always need to score the goal....that's just the kind of guy I am.....you want me on your team....you need me on your team....well....if you "need" me...you must be worse off than me...so..my heart goes out to you....

Surprisingly, virtually none of my "friends" feel this way....so are they really my friends at all if they aren't willing to get involved in one of life's basic needs....and it's not just they're not helping me...they ain't helping anyone......I do credit one married friend's wife with consistently trying to fix me up...always looking for someone for me...and she lives nearly 3,000 miles away!.......but the most common response on the board is "Dude, it's not my job to get you laid."......no shit....I'm not paying you to be my pimp....nor am I paying you to be my friend......the very fact that you look at is a "job" says a lot about you and your perspective.....it's nothing but selfish....and self-serving...now they'll argue back that this description is exactly how they feel about me...why is it always about me?....well...it's only about me on this subject because you are the one with the girl...and I am not....

They all say "Real Men don't need help with women." That's exactly the kind of macho idiocracy that lets "real men" drive around lost for an hour and half because they're too stubborn to ask for directions...go ahead...buy another self-indulgent luxury car or 61-inch TV while you're at it.....

"Friends" fall into one of three categories....The Husband, The Boyfriend and The Single Guy....with or without woman....they all share one thing in common....they're only concerned with themselves....and let me take several steps off topic for a minute here and relate this attitude to the state of the world.....these are selfish times...particularly here in America...how is this going to affect me?...Who cares about you?....I'm worried about me...the prevalence of this callous disregard for your fellow man is driving the world to hell....more respect, kindness and tolerance is what's needed for peace, harmony and real change...you know..the change we keep hearing about......more taxes, immigration walls and religious zealots aren't the things that will get us there.....they only drive us further apart....but I digress....

The Husband...happily married...secure in his relationship...the most likely of Hamburger Helpers....so where's the risk?....well...chances are he's picking from a stack of his wife's girlfriends which can only mean one thing....he has to go to his wife with the request....and permission.....and if things go bad with me...then he has to hear it from his wife...he hears enough from his wife already so he doesn't need to add me to his ever growing list....and what about the girls he meets through work or on "guy's night out"????...well...the Husband is so desperate to flirt like he was single again...and so overjoyed and caught up in the moment his one track mind does not allow the thought of his actual single friend to even enter....eventually claiming, "Sorry dude, I wasn't even thinking about you at the time."....no shit....

The Boyfriend....despite having a steady girlfriend still maintains a small arsenal of female friends...you know...just in case...surely he's not going to open that vault for me.....those are his ponies waiting in the stable....and what about his girl's girls?....well...same situation as the married guy except even more delicate....I guy can be with a girl for more than 2 years...I know one...and he's still unwilling to risk the ripple effect....a single friend of mine likens it to protecting property...you'll do everything you can to avoid losing it....so why should he step out on a limb for me....and risk losing his girl because his girl's girl thinks I'm an asshole....it doesn't matter that my friend knows I'm not an asshole.....his girl's girl who's never even met me yet may think I am...and that's good enough for him....and then should he, by some small miracle, be willing to do some maneuvering...as one friend recently attempted....don't bother rejecting his set-up attempt or risk a wrath of Khan like reaction...."That's it!...Never again!"....as if I somehow offended him and damaged his precious ego for not accepting his offering like God rejecting some sacrificial lamb....I'm sorry I hurt your feelings but one...you've never even met her and two you told me "It's probably going to be a train wreck."...so no...I'm not sorry I politely declined...

The Single Guy....well...this one's obvious...he's too busy trying to get some for himself...like the bum asking for your change after you leave the 7-Eleven...the Single Guy says, "Sorry, I got no change for you."....even though he just watched you walk inside buy something and receive change back....but you still don't have anything for him...of course you do...you just don't want to give it to him....that's the Single Guy for you...he can...but, he won't......

What about women?....do they go out on a limb to set up their girlfriends?....I suspect not much because women are even more competitive with each other than guys are...while guys are more into satisfying themselves...girls actually compete for men...and will get jealous if a friend is scoring and they are not....every guy's been there in bar when things are going well...like really well...and then the "girlfriend" swoops in and says, "We're leaving."...happens all the time...women can deny the jealous factor all they want but they're isn't a man out there who won't agree with me on this one....

Here's another one....women are more apt to sleep with your friend's best friend if given the chance than the other way around.....hold on...hold on......let me explain......I'm talking about a guy going after his best friend's girl....that almost never happens......there's a certain man code that doesn't allow us to go there.....but on the other hand, how many times have you heard of a girl sleeping with her girlfriend's boyfriend?.......sure a guy will try and score with his girl's best friend but only because he's angry with his girl....a girl will actually do it because she wants to......

So back to woman...do they get set up by friends?....how do they meet guys?.....I once had a conversation in a bar with a couple of women and they told me the boys they date either come through work or from friends......but not bars.....I tried to explain to them these guys who they so-called "date" go to bars too....they agreed with that assessment....so the guys they date are exactly the same type of guys who are trying to pick them up in the bar tonight.....they agreed with that assessment......their only defense became.....as long as they don't actually meet them in a bar then it's ok.....this is exactly the kind of female logic that makes it impossible to understand women.....because I know what you're thinking...I said, "So you're telling me the current guy you're dating...the guy you're crazy about and can't imagine being without.....if you had first met in him a bar....and he approached you like I am tonight...you wouldn't have gone out with him?"....they both said without stopping to think for just one second, "Yeah, that's right."

I wish I could have bottled that conversation, taken it to court with me and said, "Your honor....please judge and rule on this...."

So where does all this enlightenment leave me?......I don't work...not in the normal sense...and I don't have friends who want to introduce me to anyone......I'll tell you where it leaves me....the same place I started...on my own....or worse......the Internet.....a lot of guys like to meet girls there...here.....maybe 'cause of the statistics that show a third of On-line Dating first dates end up having sex.....that's an unbelievably high number because I think regular first dates...the kind where you actually have met before end up having sex like 5-10% of the time.....but me.....I'm still holding out...call me a romantic...but I'm old fashioned....I prefer the in-person experience....the initial face-to-face meet n' greet...not in some slimy chat room or over-exaggerated perfectly calculated and constructed on-line profile....

Bottom line.....when it comes to setting a friend up......if you're secure in your relationship....you shouldn't care about the ripple effect....and if you're in an insecure relationship then it's not worth being in it at all...oh....right...you want still get laid......yeah.....thanks for your help.

So all you real men out there.....go ahead and step outside yourselves for a minute....a small gesture to your "friend"...today....you never know what might happen....it could go a long way in some round about way....in saving the world....tomorrow.

Meaningless sex vs. Meaningful sex

2008-07-11T11:29:00.000-07:00

For the record....like I need to state that...I mean by recording this blog...everything I write is "for the record"....so strike that lame opening comment.....but regardless, for the record......I'm still the same guy I've always been despite what "skigator93" thinks from my last post.....
....Older ...yes....wiser?....doubt it......and while I may be considering more meaningful sex, I'm still just as interested in meaningless sex...nothing's changed there...but is sex ever really meaningless?

I guess it depends on who you ask...for me...whenever I have sex it's very meaningful...no matter the circumstances..probably cause I don't have it a lot...maybe I appreciate it more so it means more....kind of like if your favorite food is pizza but you eat it everyday....how much can you really enjoy it.....but if you go a month without...imagine the first day 30 days later you take a bite of that slice fresh out of the oven....hmmmm....that's a meaningful piece of pie....

I can't stand people in relationships or who have no difficulties getting laid....guys and girls who complain about having "meaningless sex" and how they can't wait to find someone who they can "love"...where the sex will be special...puleeeze....sure the sex is better when you're with someone you truly care about.....but everything is better when you care....there's no such thing as bad sex....just not as good as it can be sex........try not having sex at all...then get back to me.....

I just called to say.....

2008-07-09T00:10:00.000-07:00

....I love you.......not what you might think you'd hear from me....but since I saw Stevie Wonder in concert last night....and he played that song.....well...it put me in a more loving mood than usual.

First lemme say about Stevie....the man can jam...and sing...I know I'm stating the obvious...but it was the first time I saw him live and he's the kinda' performer that can burn straight through your heart and into your soul....

When I'm at a show like this and not with a girl I like to look around and take note of couples enjoying the show together....like the connection they're having...how the music moves them...how they look at each other...I notice...and I think...

I think of ex's...I think of love lost or never had.....but having that special connection with someone is what we all want...it's part of what makes us human....and while a lot of guys, and I guess, to similar degrees, girls, will too....at times...when they're not with someone or when things are going bad with someone close they try to justify to themselves, "Oh, I don't need him (her)..I'll be fine by myself...I'm a strong person. I don't need anyone." I used to like to say a woman doesn't make the man...a man makes the man...well... true....to some extent.....you've got to learn to be a man first on your own and how to be happy without a woman....if you can't depend on yourself to be happy....then you're never going to be....and I know I'm far from happy right now....I'm not satisfied where I'm at professionally....nor as a person....

People like to tell me...especially my parents...."What you really need is a good woman...."....as if that's going to be the cure all...and dramatically change things for me....

I asked a lot of friends of mine who are married or in long-term relationships how they felt in terms of how affected they are by their women....and not surprisingly, they have a difficult time expressing themselves....in part, it's a machismo thing where they don't want to admit they might be any less of a man without their partner...or worse yet....give their partner any credit, for their....for lack of a more sophisticated word.....betterness.....

I can't ever see any of them articulating what Tom Hanks said about his wife (Rita Wilson) on Oprah...(OK..I know I just lost like 100% of the straight men here....and I guess I shouldn't have "admitted" I was watching Oprah...let alone quoting from it...but I'm not quoting Oprah...I'm quoting the great Tom Hanks....and what man can't get on board with him?....what real man anyway...so I digress)....Tom said, "Before I met my wife I was maybe 65-68% man....she's made up the difference to get me to 100"....and of course Oprah and Julia Roberts...who was there with Tom promoting their movie, "Charlie Wilson's War"...along with the entire female audience collectively went "Awwwwww...."...now believe me...I appreciate what a fine actor Mr. Hanks is and certainly am aware of the fact he could be "acting" and "working" the audience...but if you heard it as I did...rather then just reading it on the page as you are now...you would have heard the sincerity in his voice and seen the love in his eyes.....it was as genuine as you can get...

Back to my friends....maybe they don't know how to express love...maybe they just don't want to share it with me...or maybe they're really not that much in love...whatever the case may be....some of them did offer, "Well, she's good to me...I know how much she loves me..." or they got married because "it was the right thing to do".......for me...that's not enough....there needs to be more.....that kind of love feels incomplete....I'm going to need a Big...ger love.............(yes...that was a Tom Hanks reference that probably flew right past some of you...sorry...).....anyway, when I see my Dad...I know how much my Mom means to him and how much he loves her....because I can see the impact she has on him.......and I realize.....it's not so much that a woman is good to you....and that's what makes the difference.....just being "good to you" is not nearly enough....what matters is that she's "good for you...."

And if you....I....can find....THAT....then maybe....we'll be able to not only rekindle Tom's words...but Stevie's too....and tell someone.....

"I just called....to say......I love you."

The chicks who thought I was "mature"

2008-07-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

I realized after my last post I certainly left out of a lot of details on my interaction with the girls, ladies.....women...they were both pushing 40.....but age is just a number, right?....they're still all chicks...

So when I first approached the L-shaped bar to order a drink they were sitting on the bottom of the L...the only two people there...shortly after I posted up, the white one.....another thing I never mentioned were their Ethnicity's which normally I do...but it wasn't relevant to the Hash (short for Rehash)....a quick background note...over the years I've recounted a lot of my stories involving women....they became known as Rehash to many of my friends....ultimately becoming Hash...not to be confused with the stuff you smoke....but I digress.....

So the white chick...who...was the one that ended up thinking I was in my early 40's!...left to go to the bathroom leaving me alone with the hot won.....ton....ok....I affectionately refer to Asian women as Wontons.....believe me when I say...it is a term of pure endearment...I got a thing for 'em....that I can't explain...I just do.......besides the Asian themed nightclub in Vegas, Tao, apparently finds it charming and clever to appeal to customers by using the word "dumplings" in their advertising....I saw it on a billboard in Vegas where there was a smokin' hot Asian girl smiling and the giant words next to her read "Nice dumplings".....so...hopefully no one's offended here...

So I engage the wonton immediately....this was the one that actually came in a year younger on my age guess......and here's the skinny...her girlfriend's home alone in Malibu I think she said miserable cause she just broke up w her boyfriend...she wasn't going to drive all the way out there to be alone w her even though she claimed to be equally miserable cause her musician boyfriend just left town for the next month to tour...oy vey....funny thing was...she wasn't acting miserable...seemed pretty happy...I made her laugh and things seemed to be going pretty well...not that was hitting on her with the boyfriend and all in the picture....I usually avoid any chick with any resemblance of a boyfriend....I realize the irony that most of my posts so far have contained a boyfriend in some form...but I do not seek it...it finds me....and not to get off course too much...but this raises another very important topic....women don't seem to have any problems trying to get with guys who have girlfriends...it seems to make us more appealing if we have one.....what does that say about women?....but that's not for this....

So...I order my drink and the friend comes back and I'm kind of hovering over her stool....and she says to me, "So, are you done talking?"....like r u done w my girlfriend.?..because she's done with you....but that didn't appear to be the case and unfortunately I didn't have anything smart to come back with you....I said I was just getting my drink...but I think she was actually trying to be kinda cute funny with me.....so I let her slide back in....I guess I could have said, "No, I'm not, but I'll be sure to let you know when I am".....that would have really pissed her off...and I wasn't looking for that......maybe she was baiting me....who knows?...certainly not me....

So I continue...and seemingly we start to hit it off...in fact I could easily have found myself hanging with these girls another time...not to like to date...they both seemed to have some issues there...like they both went out with the same guy 9 years apart...and both like Jewish guys...I don't know why I wasn't more forward with the Asian...who was actually Filipino....which is probably the type I'm most attracted to and have dated before...I guess it was the whole musician boyfriend thing...eventually the wonton had to go to the bathroom and so I was now left alone with the white girl...

I ended up giving her my card to hang out....she was complaining to me how when the wonton's boyfriend comes back into the picture in August she'll be out of the picture...86'ed...and that's just the way things work.....I and that she understood that...so I told her not to worry...I'll take the girlfriend's place....but in a straight way......I don't even know what I was trying to say there or why I even gave her my card at all...if I gave it to anyone it should have been the wonton...after all...she didn't think I was an old married mature guy....it was when she returned that we got into the age discussion from the previous post...

What I left out when the white one accused me of being very mature was that I almost went Tommy Lee on her face (Tommy Lee wrote in his book how the first night when he met Pam in a bar and came over to say hi...when he sat down next to her he just licked her entire face like a dog....instead of kissing her)....so if I had done that I could have asked "Still think I'm mature?"....and then me not being Tommy Lee I probably would have a drink dumped on me....which is probably what I was thinking when I didn't do it....ooooh...but if SHE only knew what I was thinking....

Then she starts in with my hair...and yadda yadda.....guess I didn't have enough of the Hollywood look going.....when she told me liked Russian Jews it would have been hilarious for me to come back with, "That's cool...I'm a partially Russian Jew...but I like Filipinos"....again...very unlike me no be playing the white woman over the Asian.....guess it had something to do her age attack on me...it was bugging me....

At one point I turned around to look down the long side of the bar only to see like half of it just watching the three of us...I mean..flat out staring...like utterly being amused and entertained by the animated discussion we were having...or perhaps it was more along the lines of "What is really going on with those 3?...and why are those hot chicks talking with that dooshbag?"

How it ended was me going to the bathroom at closing time with the white chick asking me if my mother's worried about me not married yet...I assured her she wasn't too worried yet...and she tried to assure me she already knew my mother....I told her not to leave and I'll tell her all about my mother...which of course she did exactly that...leave...I had to wait for a lil at the bathroom and by the time I got out...everyone had been kicked out and they were long gone...I half thought they might have waited outside to say goodbye...but I guess my "mature hair" killed that off....

But the hour in the place with the chicks...yeah...it was like an hour...was not a total waste...I did pick up the latest LA WEEKLY which a friend's been bugging me to pick up cause of the cover story....and I'm not making this up.....the cover story was all about chicks in LA complaining about not getting laid cause guys don't approach them anymore.......puleeeze...cry me a river.

How old do I look?

2008-07-05T03:33:00.001-07:00

Tonight, for the first time in my life, a chick thought I was older than I am. Bartender...drink please. Better make it a double. All my life I've had the baby face where everyone thought I was younger than I actually I am. I went through a period in my early 20's where I hoped to look older...but that quickly changed to feeling good about myself that I looked younger than I really was...at least 3-5 years younger....but now...suddenly...I'm older....I've hit the wall I guess.....this chick was actually off by at least 5 years....wow....her friend...who was smokin hot...and Asian which I prefer...they age well...she admitted to being 38....she still thought I was a year younger than I actually am...and for the record...both chicks were older than me...but to quote the offending girl....and married friends of mine please take deep breath and get ready to LYFAO......"You looked like you're a married guy in his early 40's who doesn't care too much about his appearance wanting to just have a drink...you seem very mature".................................
............................................................................I inserted extra dot dot dots so all of you who know me can catch your breath from laughing so hard....."mature"..."married"....of course I told her she couldn't be furthest from the truth...I asked her if she was maybe confusing intelligence with maturity.....and she claimed it had a lot to do w my hair...how it looked....granted I knew it was messed up from driving with the windows down and my top down....and I told them so....but, still it couldn't have made that bad of an impression could it have?....then she goes on to tell me how she's really attracted to Russian Jews.......and I had to break it to her that I was Jewish and part Russian...even thought I don't particularly look Jewish be it the dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.....so I guess I fooled her...she doesn't know what she likes....but truthfully back to the hair...when I got home...my hair did look like shit...this LA climate really fucks w your hair and dries it out...so maybe I should have stopped home and re-touched my hair after the car ride back home..I was back out after returning home from a dinner date...relax....not date date...but where the woman I had dinner with thought I was 8 years younger than I am....guess it was before the wind got a hold of my hair....bottom line....the chick who tried to humilate me was right about one thing...I went out not giving a shit.

Fate Walks In

2008-07-01T14:52:00.001-07:00

I know...it's a perfect title for a film or book....and one day soon I'm going to write it....so don't even think about it.....

My recent texting closure made me think of another incident I had with a girl who now that I'm thinking about it actually had the same name as my "Take Care" chick...wow....see, I told you wierd inexplicable things happen to me.

So I met this other girl at a party and to throw out a disclaimer right off the top....she was not in the service industry..as in, not a waitress, nor a bartender, hostesses, stripper, etc....she was a PA at a local TV station. Real job. Real career....we flirted a little...just about every guy was trying to hit it...or should I say..."get with"..."hit it" might be a 'lil crude for any potential female reader of this.....what can I say?...I can be kind of a lockeroom guy at times.....it was a party where everyone knew each other from work...except me..I didn't work with any of them....a friend of mine did, but he turned out to be not much of a wingman cause he dipped sooned after I got there...which left me flying solo at this thing...granted, not something I'm unaccustomed to....at any rate...by the time I left I had got her number...I can recall her punching it into my phone and telling me to call her...after she had spent some time on my lap....and not to take any luster of the situation, but she was slightly intoxicated.....nevertheless we seemed to hit it off in the short time we spent together.....

I know I called once with no response...and then probably texted one more time...still nothing...apparently she was dating someone...or was seeing someone from work..or something to that effect...well anyway...after pretty much giving up on her I was in a bar one weeknight which just happened to be near her work....not that I went there hoping to run into her...I only thought about the location AFTER she walked in the door.....

So I'm sitting at the bar having a drink...by myself yet again....when I lived in NYC, grabbing a drink alone was no big deal...people did it all the time...it was commonplace...NYC is really a city of aspiring alcoholics...while LA is a city of aspiring wannabe alcoholics....besides, in LA people tend to go out more in groups and seldom venture out alone.."Oh...what people would think?"....

So..in she walks with a group of guys...probably work people...I recognize her right away...but she doesn't spot me up at the bar....as they all grab a booth a few feet away.

Obviously..to me...I got to do something. I can't let this opportunity pass without some attempt. I'm not sure if any other guy would do anything at this point...considering they had already seemingly been blown off by this chick....but I look at this as more than a coincidence that she walked in that door....I'm not one to chalk things up to dumb luck...while I'm far from religious...I do believe in fate....it's the why things happen when they happen is the mystery to me...

I decide to text her...but not just like Hey what's going on?....but some call to action...and I want her to know I know she's here......unfortunately, I can't remember the exact words I used but it was something to the effect of "The guy at the end of the bar thinks you have a beautiful smile....and you're cute..."....I'm pretty sure it had a bit more wit to it....I figured she did not have my name saved in her phone so it would be anonymous but certainly be a shocking text...like who is this at the bar?...and how does he have my number?

The best part about sending the text was getting to watch her reaction to it....I was the fly on the wall we've all dreamed of being....too good a moment to pass up...

I turn around and see her reach for her phone...she got it...she reads it and laughs...then looks up toward the bar where she sees me watching...another big smile...I raise my glass and then turn back around. What I was not going to do was walk over there.....not just because she was with a bunch of guys, but rather...I wanted her to come to me...call it a power thing or whatever...but I made the effort...if she wanted to come over, she would...

A minute or so goes by and I have yet to turn around...I felt like I was outside Sodom and Gomorrah and if I turned around I would turn to salt....just then, I notice her coming around me to sit down. Another smile.

She was flatterred and flustered...and still had no idea who I was....well...she recognized me, but couldn't place me...guess she was more messed up that night we met than I thought....which would probably explain her reason for not returning my previous text and call....I meant nothing to her....I think this is where she told me about the boyfriend or that she just started dating someone....and that was pretty much it...and the end of the story...which only reinforces another major point when vying for a woman's attention....

Timing is everything....to the woman at least....so much has to be right and properly aligned for a woman to show interest....guys are simple......we can show interest at the drop of a hat, under any conditions...we're like the post office...in rain, sleet, snow...we deliver anytime.....so not even a chance meeting at a random bar could alter the cosmos here.

Fate may have walked in...but I walked out....by myself.

Who I am

2008-06-30T21:12:00.000-07:00

I'm a guy who doesn't pretend to know all there is to know about woman...unlike most guys who think they know everything on the subject...I am the guy who knows nothing....not that I don't have the experience or wisdom to know something....but the more I try to understand the less I comprehend.

Celebrated movie producer Robert Evans once said, "Show me a guy who claims to understand woman and I'll show you a guy who knows nothing." Eloquently stated, we have no idea what woman want or how they think or why they say and do the things they do. And also...guys are full of shit.

A friend aptly referred to me as a "tortured soul"...for all the various circumstances and stories that have evolved over the years with me and the opposite sex. Call it a curse. Be it bad luck. Just don't say no skills. I've got good enough game to open and engage...but closing...it's not that I can't...or don't...just many times something happens...often inexplicably to change the course in an adverse direction. To use a basketball metaphor...I have no problems taking it to the rack..I just can't finish...at least not as often as I would like....well...actually that's no different than any other guy...we'd all "like" to score more....so I guess I should say I don't finish as often as I SHOULD. It's mystifying, frustrating and curious.

Personality wise, a friend sums me up as an "enigma wrapped in a riddle." In short....I'm complicated. I'm definitly a forward kind of guy...not shy...or bashful....quick witted, smart...funny...about average looking...sure better looking would help....but who wouldn't it help?....what else?....I'm aggressively confident as opposed to passively lacking in confidence....Passionate....loyal.....caring...I care too much....everything matters....even the little things....especially the little things....which I think is a double edged sword. People say "don't sweat the small stuff" because it'll drive you nuts, but sometimes it's the smallest things that bring the greatest pleasures. While I'm difficult to please...I find it easy to be happy....again...the simplest of things can put the biggest smile on my face....like just a friendly smile from a stranger on the elevator.

It's not easy describing yourself....the next time things get going with a woman....before the downhill slide....or insert basketball reference...I miss the dunk...actually I'm too short to dunk...so...blow the lay-up.....that's before they really get to know me...I'm going to ask them to describe me.....that should make for a particularly interesting future post.

And as you can tell by now, I'm also brutally honest...I don't hide from the truth....which I guess is the essence of this blog....a girl friend (not to be confused with "girlfriend") of mine inspired the title, "If I only knew.."...she kept saying it to me one night in a highly intoxicated state while she rattled off story after story....as in...if I only knew what really happened and what she really thought....it kinda' stuck with me....it's not bad....I'd like to thank her for it but unfortunately we're no longer in touch....she's engaged and that's what usually happens to those people...you people I mean...that's also for ablog to be named later......if she ever ends up reading this I think she'll be pleasantly surprised....and somewhat flattered....but so much for her...while I'm left continually searching for answers...the one thing you can always count on is my blatant candor...straight from the heart...I wear it on my sleeve. I'm a Libra.

If I only knew......

Take Care

2008-06-30T18:58:00.000-07:00

There are many ways to close a letter, email or text....but "take care" has got to be one of the lamest and themost disheartening. I can never envision a scenario in which I'd use it unless of course I was trying to just completely blow the person off....as in....take care...I hope nothing bad happens to you in the future but I also hope never to see you again. Because it has "care" in it I guess people assume they're being nice...but in reality "take care" is more polite than nice. And as if you couldn't guess, the reason I bring this up is because I just got a "take care" text from a girl I'd been trying to get with. It's the second take care I've ever received. The first was also from a chick.

In brief, here's the recap. She's a waitress. I asked for her number. She gave it to me. We talked. We flirted. We had a drink. This went off and on for several months during which she was still in the middle of a 7.5 year on and off relationship...apparently still on. I had no interest in pursuing her while he was still in the picture. She wanted to be friends. Within the last week she tells me she's now broken up..it's been 3.5 weeks and says she'll call me.

Timing has never been my good fortune. In college a girl I wanted to date had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and was not ready...she asked me to wait....by the time she came to me wanting to be together...I couldn't do it. I didn't want to be that guy that said "How high?" when she said, "Jump." Although I believed at the time it was the right move...not a day goes by today without me thinking it was just stupid on my part....well maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration....not the stupid part...it was stupid as hell...but the everyday thing....more like popping in and out of my mind from time to time....especially when I hear the song, "Alison Road" by the Gin Blossoms..thanks for the memories guys....Years later, I ran into another girl I knew from college who had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship 6 months ago...and claimed to have not been with anyone since it ended....we didn't get together that night but I got in touch with her and about a couple of months later I spent the weekend with her.....and let's just say things didn't turn out so well. I wonder how much of it was false expectations vs lingering effects from the old flame.... and ironically...another Gin Blossoms song would forever be entrenched in the corners of my brain...this time it was "Hey Jealousy"....sad...I know...even though I still know nothing....

Anyway...back to the waitress...from what I could tell...she didn't seem to outwardly distressed over the end of her relationship although clearly it's having an effect....so she wanted to be friends while she was still in the relationship, but now that's she's out if it, where does that leave me? I'll tell you where it leaves me....no man's land. She's got my number. When she's ready to use it she will.

But then I got this friend who insists I just pick up the phone and call her. Men pursue. That's what we do. That's what he says anyway....more irony....women are usually the ones pursuing him...rather than the other way around. I guess he figures the rule applies to others...not himself....at least it applies to me...there aren't too many women chasing me these days...

4 days after I received her break-up news I sent the following text.

"So....."

I really did not want to send anything...and if I was going to do something I should have called...but...I decided to keep it simple, vague...but implied obvious....you know...I have no clue.

She replied immediately with this:

"I thought about calling you but i feel i need to be left alone. No hard feelings. Take care."

Simple yet strange too... My guy says it feels like a complete f off, if not for the first part which I figure she was trying to be nice...like to make me feel good....but that she's really not that interested.

Upon further review....as soon as I repeated the reply to another friend he likened chick's words to that of a Sherlock Holmes mystery...lots of clues but never a direct response that helps solve the crime....everything is open to interpretation. Another friend believes she's just not ready to jump back on the horse and it has nothing to do w me. If she had said I need to be left alone "for now"...or "gimme some time" well that would left the door open....but she didn't...she closed it in my face....softly....now maybe she doesn't expect me to hang around and wait for her to be ready.....but again...she could have said that and let me decide...but the double decker supreme combination of "No hard feelings" and "Take Care" is a 1-2 punch of Later. As in Never.

I didn't feel like going out getting dunked on like that so.....and my friend agreed...so I...we...sent the following text back:

"Ok...ill let u be..but don't let 1 white guy spoil it for the rest of us besides im not white im jewish u can can still call me anytime take care."

I should have mentioned she's black, not that it matters for this story...well I guess it did matter in order to get my attempt at humor . I'm white. The ex is also white.

Now...an acceptable response..at least a positive one would have been "LOL...thanks for understanding"...but I guess she didn't find too laugh out loud funny...and all I got was "Thanks for understanding."

And with that, after nearly 6 months of an off and on connection with me...the on part being when I would see her at work....there's only one move left for me....I deleted her number from my phone...for the second time.....shortly after we had first met I deleted her number since it wasn't going anywhere......I later put it back in because after not having seen her in awhile she suddenly seemed a little more interested in being friends........I guess if she would ever contact me again...I'd probably consider getting together with her.....I can't make the same mistake twice...can I?

A Threesome...

2007-06-18T18:56:00.000-07:00

Three girls were sitting at the bar in a Mexican restaurant...

no this is not the beginning of some joke but rather an observation of some of the abusurdities of women...for some crazy reason I chose to sit next to them...three of them...while eating..luckily there was a baseball game on the TV above me to keep me from going insane...they had been drinking...two of them were friends and had just met the third one...three appears to be the magic number for chicks...sitting there listening and observing was enough to turn me off to women forever...now they were nice and pleasant and all but not all that attractive..well at least the two friends were pretty average...the stranger was fairly cute...anyway...

..at one point the third input girl (the one sitted next to me)....asked me if I was enjoying "this"..and was I "learning anything"...she must have suspected I was suffering and at the same time eating it up...at least that's what she probably figured....I wanted to tell her I already knew girls like them were annoying but instead I told her it was all being recorded on a hidden mic...ha ha ha....

Their conversation began..for me anyway...as they discussed whether or not they get their eyebrows professionaly waxed..."it is LA" after all so "it's OK" to do things like that they argued...the conversation quickly changed to what each one did...and of course they were all some form of actresses...and then they got sidetracked on what they all were drinking...and the types of alcohol they like...one girl commented she's pretty open to everything except the college type shots like schnapps....I wondered if that was the sexual equilavent of being open to everything except anal.....eventually the conversation shifted to their boyfriends and fiances...it's amazing to me how chicks leap at any chance they get to mention their "boyfriend" or "fiancee"..now keep in mind..this had nothing to do with me..I was completely ignoring them and vice versa except for the occasional glance when I lift up to look at the TV or take a drink...I can't imagine the poor saps who are in relationships with these LA yentas...predicatble their talk turned to sex...what a surprise....but a surprise did come as two friends brought up their 29 yr old virgin girlfriend...

They claimed she had boyfriends in the past and was one of those "did everything else girls" but they couldnn't understand how she could hold out from going all the way...one of the ugly ones said she just turned 27 and had been having sex for 11 years and never went without it for more than a month...I wanted to know who are you fucking?....more importantly, who wwants to fuck you?...the other girls agreed...not with me cause it was all in my head...but with the sex thing at least once a month...btw they were drinking maragaritas...not cosmos....

Finally they exchanged numbers...I almost remember one of the numbers cause it had a ridiculous amount of eights in it..it was like 818-288-5088...something like that...crazy eights...it fit....

when the better looking one (the non-original friend...that's why I called her the third input..I know...funny)...got up to leave she put on her LA shades and said to me "hope you got all that recorded"....don't worry baby...I do.

It's good to be single...

2007-06-15T00:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to say great....but...when u can go out in LA and walk into a bar w/Nicole Narin (go ahead google her), Ian Ziering (Steve from 90210) and tons of hot chicks.....and know the managers, bouncers, bartenders and waitstaff...it ain't a bad thing.....i was at the bar where i met the chick from JAX who wasmovin into my building...she's a hostess here...we talked it up..i left her my number although she said to take "mine" since she was going to change phones but then she just took mine and didn't give me hers..i dunno what that was all about...but im better off not havin her number she lives down and across the hall...she's like 21 and enough said...i got a pot pie cookin in the mic...im all good...

The Waitress

2007-06-12T21:01:00.000-07:00

So I'm eating in this place called Toast made famous ...outside of LA anyway...because of a cameo in Entourage...I was eating alone and had a typical LA hot waitress...but she was so unbelievably friendly and nice it was difficult not to think of her otherwise...I attempted to compliment her...I say attempted cause I was sort of caught between hitting on her and just being nice myself...while I wanted to hit on her I didn't want it to seem obvious...obviously...it made me think how many guys actually try to get the number....it would be great to witness one of those transactions going down just once....and see it through successfully..I don't just mean getting the number but actually going out with her on a date.....the amount of time it takes to get the digits is also an important factor....I'm sure if I went in there like once a week for a month and saw her a few times it would be a lot easier to approach...my friend Pat would call that "soaking"...he would also call it "spinning your wheels"...but what I want is to be able to pull that move off in the first meeting in under an hour.....sure it can be done....but is it pure charm or good looks that will ultimately be the reason for hitting that homerun.....Toast is a pretty casual place even though it's trendy...food wise I recommend everything...super fresh, tasty..good size portions....so anyway...she had this infectious smile that didn't appear to be an act like you see so often...so I commented to her that she looks like she's having a great day...she smiled back and said it's probably cause she had such a great workout before she came into work...and once she got to work things just got better....it continued to get better for me too everyone time she walked away from my table and I got another look at her booty....but the point being...I guess I could have introduced myself and moved the conversation forward...but it seemed a little forced...of course I wondered what she thought of me...but then again unless she was immediately attracted to me she probably didn't give me much of any thought at all...Im just saying it would be nice to send a recon team back in after I had left and set her up with a lil Q&A...hey, that might not be a bad idea for a show.....I digress....she said she hopes to see me back (waitress speak of course)...and I said Oh, I'll be back...not like Arnold....but well...you know...and I will...