First dates

They generally suck.....both people are a little uncomfortable..nervous...you never know what to say or what you should say...how much you should touch...it's all a "big bowl" (to steal from Jeff Garlin) of awkwardness...especially when you already had some great drunken touchy feely chemistry on the night you first met...how do you start back up?....pickup where you left off?

I didn't have to wait long to find out about my lady in white (READ THE PREVIOUS ENTRY)...she did a pre-emptive text to me two days after we met...I was planning a mid-week text...4 days min....standard....not even sure the reaction I would get...and this 4-day waiting period is so stupid but it's just become like a no-fault safezone that can't possibly screw anything up....but ladies...if a guy calls you anytime within a week it means he likes you...and if he waits 6 days it doesn't mean he likes you any less than the guy who texts you the next day or 2 days later.....he may even like you more.....I know it sounds ridiculous but the more a guy likes a girl the longer he forces himself to wait...and yes it's exactly like in Swingers because we're afraid of scaring off a beautiful baby......a common mistake by guys is not falling for a chick too fast but telling her too fast we've fallen for her....chicks get weirded out about this shit...they say "You don't even know me, how can you like me so much?"...believe it...it's happened to me....and the short of it is....we don't need a lot to get our emotions going....contrary to what you women tend to think...most of us are very emotional and passionate...look how we are about sports, music....PLASMAS.....we're not afraid of showing emotion...we're afraid of showing it to you because we're unsure how you're going to react.....we're very aware that women can have a change of heart at the drop of a hat....that's why we're always so frantic trying to get that damn rubber open and on....cause those few seconds it takes can seem like a fucking eternity...long enough for her to change her mind.....so anything we do has the potential to be a deal breaker.....I can't stress "anything" strong enough.....it's often a thing we have no idea about either....women are wired so sensitively that we can do something wrong and not even know it...all of a sudden we're asking you, "What'd I do?"....

OK..so she surprised the hell out of me with the text.....as well as the perfect simpleness of it, "Hi"...I couldn't have had a bigger smile on my face when I saw it....see...I've always said sometimes it's the simplest things in life that give the greatest pleasures....I am like an enigma because I'm not easily happy but I can be happy rather easily.....it makes no sense...but anyway.....so..now that it was on..I had to come back with something...I am a writer, right?

...after consulting with my favorite not yet married but act like it couple about what to respond with...the text by committee came up with...although I should note I was the one to come up with it but they were both thinking I should say exactly that...how crazy is that?...so what did I say?...well if you read the previous entry you'd know she mentioned "...business first then we'll see about the pleasure..." or something to that effect...oK...so I texted back, "Is this a business or pleasure hi?"...she had to laugh at that cause she came back with something equally clever and playful..."A friendly business hi"...

So now what?...I suggested lunch two days later...and never heard back....great...now that was strange...was she not ready for lunch?...did she just want to talk some?...maybe she really was just into business....I still had no idea what she did....well...I eventually found out why she never responded...she never got it....it was stuck in my outbox folder from hell...I always thought that stuff automatically re-sent when a signal appeared....and how did I find out?...well just before I was about to text her again...the next day...she hit me with another pre-emptive one...now that was just crazy strange...it said, "Plans tonight?".......I could go with a Kramer "giddy-up" or a Glenn (from Family Guy) "giggetty giggetty goo"......silly...yes...nevertheless either one still works...

After some insignificant back and forths she suggested cocktails or a movie and to call her...I did and I suggested we do both and not just one. She was down and then we talked movie. She of course wanted to see some sappy Dane Cook romantic comedy which was a no go for me..I mean I guess I could have seen it but she seemed OK to go with something else...we saw Righteous Kill..it was kinda' intense and had its moments...the movie was irrelevant to the date...

We met at a dark semi-trendy bar around the corner from the theatre..we sat in a booth type table and hung for like an hour before walking over to the theatre...we had bourbon on the rocks at her suggestion....I said we should toast to something and she went first and I think she toasted to "new friends and fun" or something like that....and I toasted to "mixing business and pleasure"...an inside joke if you read the previous entry.....among the several things we talked about was her ex-boyfriend, do all men cheat? and have I ever cheated?...so you can see what's on her mind....despite it...we seemed to have a few pleasant moments...oh yeah she also told me how the white dress she wore the night we met wasn't even hers.....cause she never dresses like that and she's actually kinda' conservative....and that she borrowed it from a friend to feel sexy now that she's back single again....which is interesting on several levels....

First of all...women seem to dress up not for us but for themselves...they lack so much confidence that merely what they wear will make them feel more sexy and thus more confident...yes they're looking for attention from guys but that's only to make themselves feel better about themselves...it's not to turn us on...there are exceptions of course...a woman who is unselfish and takes pleasure in pleasing her man will dress up for him...I think it showed a lot how my girl thinks but in her defense she did just leave a significant relationship where she was cheated on...on the flip side...why did she stick around at all with someone like that?...there can only be two logical reasons...one...he's got money...two...she likes fucking him....this is where the lack of confidence comes in because without any she thinks she can't possibly find someone who can either A, fuck her as well or B, how will she able to survive without his flow?....she even tried to justify his love to me by explaining he did love her that's why he didn't want to tell her about cheating on her because he knew how much it would hurt her....yes...she actually said that to me...I told her...if he really cared that much about you he never would have cheated on you in the first place....it's that simple...

I also know you're probably thinking "Fuck this bitch"....well...the reason I didn't at this point was because despite her messed up thinking she was sweet and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt...plus I was still attracted to her now that I've had the second look...you never know with that first intoxicated encounter....at any rate...we walked over to the movie where she ended up getting some text right before we went inside that kinda' freaked her out..so I gave her some space to text back....the whole phone thing is another turn off...when you're on a first date...2nd date...anything early you should not be texting and taking calls...it's just a lack of respect..right?...I don't think it's too much to ask...but she obviously has a lot on her mind..it may have even been the boyfriend...I tried to take the thing from her in the movie but she wouldn't give it up...so whatever....

Afterwards, I walked her back to her car...had the awkward end of the date conversation...it was about waking up in the AM...and how early she gets up and how I like to sleep in...she brought up the ex again..so there would be no kiss...I wasn't feelin it and I'm pretty sure she had no interest...I went ahead and asked her if she still felt like maybe doin' lunch tomorrow and she said she did to call her when I got up...I figured I go for the back to back dates just to see what was up cause this wasn't something I felt like draggin out...along...but really...I had no idea if she was into going or not.....

As far as first date grade I'm gonna give it a C+...if the phone thing never happened it would have been a solid B but I gotta deduct points for the texting....but no matter what the grade it was definitely a letdown from the night we met...what women don't realize is when you have the kinda chemistry we had that first night it's almost impossible to duplicate on any next date...the right thing to do would have been to go home with each other that first night, fuck the shit out of each other...then we'd talk later about how messed up she still is with the ex-boyfriend and then I'd tell her I'd love to see her again but she's got to get past him first...when that happens...call me...and then we would have at least one incredible night together rather than going through a series of early dating bullshit....but most women aren't wired like that...especially this one...so...it didn't happen and now I'm sort of stuck in dating purgatory....I have no clue.

"The Lady in Red..."

Well...actually she was a lady in white...but the point's the same...she took my breath away..and that's rare...for me....there's no shortage of pretty women in LA so it's easy to find someone who'll make your head spin, but to meet someone who actually takes your breath away...that's something special...

I was on my way to hang with a buddy who works the door at this bar in a very trendy area of LA...across the street, I noticed two fine black women walking along the sidewalk..."Damn!" I thought...which was really the only appropriate reaction....I watched them for a few seconds before they both freaked out about something along their way...I mean freaked the fuck out...like some crazy voodoo kinda' freak out....a giant spider?...snake?...I don't know...what I did know was that I had to cross that street and find out...even if it meant jaywalking...yeah I know....BFD...so what?..well here in LA, jaywalking can get you arrested and thrown in jail...believe it....it happened to someone I know...but these chicks were worth the risk...

So when I got over there...I was immediately smitten with the one in white...the two appeared to be sisters and they did in fact see a giant size bug that caused the funky freak out...after some quick small talk I found out they had just left a club down the street so I said..."What? Not enough white guys there for you?"....now..the line naturally can go over a couple of different ways...I said it because, one, well..I'm quick and funny and two, I had to feel them out to see if they were down with white guys...granted, most black chicks are into me once they get to talkin' to me...but you never know.....anyway, the one in white reacted immediately, "That's kind of a racist thing to say."...I'm not sure "racist" is quite the right word but she was clearly trying to act annoyed...I wasn't buying it...

I walked along with them because they were headed to the Club next door to my bar..not that I wouldn't have walked in the opposite direction...it just so happened....but I pretty much let them walk away once I hit my spot..my buddy was outside at the time and he saw them walk by and tried to get them to stop, but of course they brushed right on by...he didn't realize that I had just walked all the way down the sidewalk with them...he told me this was their second trip past of the night...earlier, they had some paparazzi chasing them...he thought they were Reverend Run's girls....I had no idea who that was...I mean..I know Reverend Run of course...but I had no idea he had a reality show on MTV with two fine ass daughters...he really thought it was them...but...either way...I didn't give a shit....that kinda' stuff doesn't matter to me...only two things do...well three...do you take my breath away?...are you cool?...and are you into me?....everything else is bullshit....what you do...what you drive....where you're from (as long as it's not Indiana..can't get into that story...sorry)..I don't care...I mean I care...but not care in the sense it's a deal breaker...you got to give guys credit on this one....a garbage woman could turn us on....women should be less sensitive to all this non-essential bullshit and more concerned with how a man treats you, respects you and loves you...OK...enough pulpit preaching from Reverand..errr...Rabbi Steve...

I thought about going to the club to try and catch back up with the girls...and taking a shot...but I knew I probably would have had a hard time getting in....yeah..it was one of "those" places.. but my buddy said he knew the manager so after hanging with him for awhile he texted the guy and he ended up coming down to get me and escort me in....Now that...was a shock....

As soon as I entered the club, I saw the girls partying at a table upfront with a bunch of people...not in any hurry, I went up the steps toward the bar and I could not believe the number of fine women at this place...it was ridiculous....now looking down onto the main floor area I noticed my white girl....my girl in white....heading toward the bathroom line alone...here was my shot....

I met up with her at the back and said Hi...apologized for maybe getting off on the wrong foot earlier...she gave me that smile..the kind of smile that we all want to get from women...the one that says..well...at least I thought it said...hey you're kinda' cute..but WTF do I know...I'm "the guy who knows nothing."...she really had "to go" and said she was gonna' try another bathroom..I guess back in the restaurant part of the place and that...wait for it....wait.....

"I'll catch back up with you."

I wanted to believe her...she seemed fairly sincere...but I was working under the influence and could not be counted on for any sense of judgement....but I knew she wasn't actually leaving the club...so one way or another I'd run into her again....

I went to get a drink at the bar and got a good vibe from a couple of drunk girls up there ordering...we flirted some...the place was a pussy palace tonight....but my mind was elsewhere....

After a few minutes I went for a lap...smelled some weed...saw some people smokin' the weed...and then ended up back at my girl's table where she was talkin' with some guys and munchin' on....of all things....cotton candy....yummeee....double yummeee....once again...like "Damn" from earlier...the only appropriate reaction here was "Yummeee."

This chick was the kinda' girl you want to run your tongue along from head to toe and taste every sugar sweet inch of her....and like the cotton candy...she's sure to melt in your mouth and not in your hands...I know that's what they say about M&M's...but really...have you ever handled M&M's on a hot humid day?...they fucking melt in your hands like every other kind of candy...but oh...not cotton candy...

So..sort of ignoring the fact she was in the midst of conversation with some dudes I just went up to her...put my arm on her lower back...and said, "So I guess you're gonna' make me come and find you."....and then she gave me the smile again....it was on...

The guys soon dispersed...maybe they were gay...cause they kinda' left us alone a 'lil too quickly...even her sister didn't try to intervene...another oddity...she let me have some of her cotton candy although I tried to snatch some with my mouth...she only let me get it with my fingers...well..that all just sounded kinda' dirty...I did comment about melting in my mouth...and she added, "but not in your hands."... LOL....she ended up telling me to take her number down...yes...she brought it up... so I put it in my phone..called her right then and she saved me in her blackberry...when I saw she listed me a "writer" under "professional" or whatever the contact listing said, I made a comment about mixing business and pleasure...and how we should just worry about the pleasure...she wanted to start with business and then see about the pleasure...whatever the hell that meant cause we never discussed any business we might do with each other...and I also know you're thinking..well..that means she's not interested in me in the pleasure kind of way....more time is needed to tell on that one...

So there's more...a good deal more.....

She told me just broke up with her boyfriend of a year and a half last week...cause he cheated on her...why do I always seem to meet women just in or out of relationships?...I know it'll be fucked trying to get with her now so I said to her "I guess I'll have to wait like 6 months to call you"...she tried to say it was over but I didn't get that sense...she then went into how he still loves her...and yadda yadda...I told her if he really loved her he wouldn't have cheated on her in the first place...she tried to say that all guys cheat and besides...after she found out about it, she then cheated on him...OK...here goes my mini-rant....this girl can pretty much get any guy she wants but seems willing to tolerate a guy that disrespects her because....well...she's insecure enough to need the attention from men regardless of how they treat her....she seems like an intelligent confident independent type woman who shouldn't and wouldn't put up with that kinda' shit...no woman should..but I'm guessing she likes the sex with him and that overrules all else...plus the thing about all men cheating was kinda' like her justifying his behavior and hers with all future men by claiming"it's just something I'm gonna' have to live with.." It's kinda' sad...but I just felt talkin' to her there was something worthwhile about continuing...despite her messed up thinking.

A club mix of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" came on and she got kinda' excited so I asked her if she was going to Journey next week and she said she was supposed to go with the boyfriend..I corrected her, "ex-boyfriend"...she laughed and then said now she wasn't sure what was going to happen...I told her to fuck that guy and go with me...so that's when she said to take her number and text her..and we'll do lunch and then see....we were pretty close at this point talkin' to each other and it got to the point where we could've kissed but I felt it wouldn't have been the right move at that time....if you're not totally feeling it you can't do it...

She then offered to refill my drink...from the bottles on her table which of course I accepted...straight goose on the rocks which seemed to surprise/excite her....one of the two....we toasted to something but I can't remember what...then we sat down on the couch next to her sister....she introduced me....and we kept talking...they asked me if I was going to write about them...and I said, "Of course I will. How could I not?"....I came real close to telling them about this site but that's a big Mazto ball to throw out there...and I didn't think I needed to take that kinda' gamble..no matter how potentially flattering it may end up being.....so I had my hand on her knee and my arm resting gently in between/alongside her legs...the softest, most amazing legs you'd ever want to feel on a woman....I even told her so they were so incredible...and she didn't seem to mind at all which I guess might be the most important part about it....her body was so perfect in every detail....I just wanted to hold onto her all night and wake up beside her sometime the next afternoon....I thought about telling her all the things I was going to do to her...but held back....I played it cool....yeah...that's what I did.....

When I rehashed this whole thing to my buddy from the bar he couldn't fucking believe it...how I ended up hanging out with her...getting her number and so on...I've gone eight strong innings of shut-out ball...now I gotta close...three outs to go....

Oh..and the Run thing...I didn't bring it up...just in case it was her...I didn't want her to think of me as anything but some random guy she just met who had no idea who she was...which was exactly who I was....but she did talk about an apartment she still had in NYC and she lived in Beverly Hills....and then the whole business thing with me being a writer...well...I guess she could be....but...it doesn't matter....at the same time I'm not going to lie...I never do....it would be hilarious if it was her and I ended up on the show...when I got home I looked 'em up on the Net...and I still don't think it was them....so the point is moot...I think...

The only thing I was kinda' bummed about was the way we she said goodbye...she really didn't...I mean she did and told me to text her....but she just got up with her sister and went to say goodbye to someone in front of us...she looked over at me and I finger waved her back over so I could leave her my card...she came back, took it, and that was that...there was no hug or tap on the cheek...which based on how everything went up to then I thought that was a gimme'...so in the end...I have no idea what's going to happen.....IF I ONLY KNEW.....right?

I wrote this the next day...a day where I woke up after only 6 hours of sleep fighting a hangover...but happy...luckily, I fell back asleep for 4 more hours with a smile on my face and a soft spot in my heart for my sensual seductress in white...regardless if I ever talk to or see her again...

P.S. If you're wondering how long it took me to write this post....over 2 hours....obviously, I'm not afraid to put the time in....but luckily, I had a LIVE Bruce concert from Philly in 1999 on E Street Radio to help keep me going... and one other thing that should be noted....I was slightly intoxicated during this encounter so some of how I recall the events and...women...may in fact be a little over the top...not untruthful...but...perhaps with a slightly modified eye and mind under the influence...I was in a pretty good mood having just come from a Billy Idol concert....and things did seem to work out rather well this night in my favor...so all of that contributes to a higher than average...appreciation...pleasure...maybe...I don't know....I'm just saying..I wasn't sober through any of this....

With that said...there's only one more appropriate thing left to say and that's to leave with the words from the song, The Lady in Red....to my lady in "white..."

I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright
I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance
They're looking for a little romance, given half a chance
I have never seen that dress you're wearing
Or the highlights in your head that catch your eyes
I have been blind
The lady in red is dancing with me cheek to cheek
There's nobody here,
it's just you and me,
It's where I wanna be
But I hardly know this beauty by my side
I'll never for get, the way you look tonight
I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright you were amazing
I've never seen so many people want to be there by your side
And when you turned to me and smiled, It took my breath away
I have never had such a feeling
Such a feeling of complete and utter love, as I do tonight
The way you look tonight I never will forget,
the way you look tonight
The lady in red
The lady in red
The lady in red My lady in red (I love you.)